After being unemployed for four months, I am discovering that I have become quite an expert in being out of work.
I am really good at it.
My routine is pretty solid now. After seeing the children off to school, I have established a pattern that has evolved over time. I sit down at the computer, visit job boards and proceed to apply for everything from a local pipe fitter to CEO of multiple major corporations. Of course, most of these jobs I am undoubtedly not qualified for, nor ever will be, but desperate times seem to invoke interesting opinions of one’s skill set.
I then proceed to pull a Forrest Gump and sit on a rock outside the house and wait for those kids to get home. As one is leaving for college next year, that may be a time-limited endeavor in itself.
Today, I thought I would do something completely different and compile a listing of jobs that I REALLY would like to have and a list of jobs that I am REALLY happy that I do NOT have to do on a daily basis. I believe this will help me to narrow down the application process and will prolong the rock-sitting time.
Here is the listing of jobs that I would like to have…
Travel Channel Program Host - I want to be the host of a Travel Channel show called ‘Mac and Cheese All Over the World’ where I will basically be paid to tour other countries such as Greece, Spain, Italy, China, Australia, etc…and eat, on camera of course, local concoctions of Mac and Cheese. (I do fear the rural-area Chinese version…but it will be worth the risk)
Quality Control Manager- I will be the Gateway Tester for various products that I love, in no particular order, Cheese Danish, Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels, Red Wine, and Fuzzy Socks
Greeting Card Designer– apparently you can basically pen “open this card and pay up” for the price of a greeting card these days. My card would read, Feeling down today? Well, you could be me, who just paid $5.99 for this stupid card you will throw in the trash in less than 45 minutes
Government Fact Checker….I once had a friend that was paid to check the facts that the fact checker had already checked…I want that gig
Hat Keeper to the British Royal Family – Someone must do this job, and really, I just want to touch ‘em
Ok, here are the jobs that I am REALLY glad that I do NOT have…
Editor, ‘Naked and Afraid’ Survival Show – specifically the dude that has to blank out all the private parts. That is definitely an entry level job that deserves some extra form of compensation. Not for me!
Quality Control Manager – I would NOT want to be the gateway tester for other various products that I do not love, in no particular order, Green Olives, Baby Diapers, Black Licorice and ‘Songs From The ‘80s’ Record Compilations
Government Fact Checker – The first guy in the example above…way too time consuming and you would always have the second fact checker in your business everyday
Corgi Keeper to the British Royal Family – Oh the humiliation that I am certain that job must hold…cleaning up after the royal puppy piddles…don’t want to touch ‘em
I think I will continue on with my current tasks in light of most of these ‘opportunities’.
I have found that rock sitting and dreaming of my next adventures are very time consuming and require all of my energy.