First off… there is a great article over at the Thought Catalog that led me to write this. It’s a quite good article about “boring love” being the best kind of love.

My parents were married for about 45 years. (give or take a year. Isn’t it sad that a kid is never sure how long their parents were married?) Anyway, my Father is now deceased. It was quick and sudden and it’s been a few years now. My Mother is still not over her loss. They had the perfect marriage and perfect love. She often tells me now that he is gone that her life is empty. It is extremely sad. My mother is now in her late 60’s (I was a late baby for her) and there isn’t much point to try and direct her toward dating etc. She’s into her grandchildren (my brother’s kids) and her church, and her hobbies.

My mother and father married young, she was a secretary for a few years before having babies, and my father worked as a technical engineer. My mother was a devoted stay at home mom who worked much harder than I ever have in my career. She made many sacrifices for her children but she did so happily. My parents raised us all to be free thinkers and individuals. We did follow a strong moral code = to treat people with dignity and respect. My parents enforced certain rules on us such as volunteer work. It’s difficult to be a totally selfish 16 year old when you mother takes you to a hospice once per week. There were valuable lessons in those experiences and they are not lost on me now. I have no issues with my parents. I never “hated” them though I did what any normal teen would do and complained a lot or fought with them. The rules were sometimes strict but they built my character. I will intentionally thank my mother later today after writing this I think.

My parents had an awesome marriage. They were equal partners. They never once fought in front of the kids. They had a fantastic sense of humor and laughed together constantly. They told each other everything. Every fucking tidbit that happened in their days when they were apart. My father was never uninterested in how many cookies I stole as my mother detailed it. He hung on her every word.

I can remember how my father called my mother at least 2 times per day from work – just to talk to her and hear her voice. They had their own “inside” jokes and the kids were not always privy to them. They did almost everything together though they both had some hobbies they did apart. They were solid as a team, I could never trick them by asking “dad” for something behind my mom’s back. They kissed each other a lot, much to the dismay of myself and brothers. They finished each other’s sentences and understood each other without exchanging words sometimes.

There was no “drama” in their relationship. There were no tears shed because of a fight. They never went to bed angry at one another. I don’t remember either of them ever really raising their voices except at me. They held hands when they took their evening walk together, including the day before he died.

The point? True Love is boring. My parents were true soul mates (if there is such a thing) yet they were content to stay at home every Friday evening watching 20/20 together. They did do some traveling but they didn’t need extravagant vacations. They never traipsed across the world searching for adventure or excitement. They didn’t have a “bucket list”. They didn’t eat exotic foods. They didn’t have affairs or have jealousy issues. They both had their own friends but they were lower on the totem pole than each other and the kids. They played cards together like maniacs. They did crossword puzzles. They were able to enjoy the mundane things in life together and being together is what actually made them happy. They took care of each other. When my mother would over worry about something like a drama queen often does, my father would remain calm which inevitably calmed her down as well. When my father got annoyed at a bad driver, my mother’s soft tone would soften his. They complimented each other’s personalities and yet sometimes seemed to me; to share the same one. It all sounds so BORING! Right?

It wasn’t boring. It was everything. That is a real relationship and true love. Genuine love means you sacrifice being single and the single life to become a part of a team. You create a whole new relationship and you become a whole new person in it. Being in a genuine loving relationship means you want your partner to “grow” and you will never try to suppress it. You each make sacrifices at times because there are times when “compromising” just creates resentment. Sacrifice means you give something up for another person while “compromise” means you restrain yourself or the other person. I am often confused by the fact that most people push compromising. Sure, that’s fine when choosing a place to eat dinner at but not in major life decisions. People do not want to sacrifice enough for their partners today. My parents were not “intoxicated” with each other or “addicted” to one another either. They simply loved each other and knew how to both be responsible, mature, and behave like a partner.

Real and true love is not an excited passionate frenzy like you see in the movies. It’s much simpler than that. Too many of us get caught up in the idea of “movie” romance. True love doesn’t lie, isn’t sneaky, or devious.. and it doesn’t need to make excuses. I see so many relationships that are full of the passionate drama… on again and off again sort of stuff. I was in one of those and still regret the time I wasted. It doesn’t have to be that way, and it’s not supposed to the be that way! True love is supposed to be boring. That’s what I want!

My father had a sudden heart attack one cold winter day in the kitchen. He died in my mother’s arms… exactly where he’d have chosen to. It just doesn’t get any deeper than that.

Time to go call mom with that thank you!

Tagged: advice, boring, cheaters, father, liars, love, marriage, mother, parents, passion, relationships, romance, true love