Since I am still reeling in many ways from my break up last June; I am always thinking about where I failed in it. I’m using it as a deep learning experience because honestly – I have no idea why I put up with his bullshit. I know I am so much smarter than I acted with him. I know I got caught up in his manipulation and that he said all the things I wanted to hear… blah blah blah. I’m learning from it. I am working on the release of my emotions from this relationship, but the damage ran really deep.

Lies are extremely damaging to other people. Sometimes I think as a society we are so used to little white lies that the big ones seems smaller too. Or we have just begun to accept that people lie too much in general perhaps. I have plenty of family and friends who tell me “just get over it”. But it’s never that easy. I believe in examining things and figuring out where I went wrong so I don’t repeat the same mistakes. I’m clearing out my baggage before I commit to someone else. But I also want to make clear that I am not sitting alone in my room thinking about him every minute, having any regrets, or in a state of depression. It’s quite the opposite really. I function quite well, and do date. I’m just not jumping into a relationship again for a while. I need that break to learn from it.

My Ex was a Narcissist through and through. He demanded so much of my attention that I lost a lot of myself in that relationship. I was accountable for my every movement. I owed explanations constantly and I always had to do them repeatedly. The “abuse” of a narcissist can truly mess up your mind. He had me in a very dark place once upon a time.

I’m no where near that dark place anymore. A week after the break up the clouds started to lift. But then anger set in. I’m angry at him to the ninth degree. The bastard ended the relationship via text message and didn’t even have the courage to talk to me. How can I not be angry at the coward? I’m also angry at myself for buying the snake oil he was selling. Again, I’m working through these things, slow but sure.

I read this wonderful article that I wanted to share about Narcissists. I think it is one of the most detailed I’ve read on the net and I wanted to share it. I think it’s important for other people to understand how a Narcissist can be charming and pleasant on the surface, but a disaster underneath it. I know that is what “got” me. My Ex knew how to put on a fantastic show. He talked so much all the time about his own personal beliefs in an attempt to wear my own down. And it did, because I didn’t recognize the signs soon enough to act. Here is the link to the article: Narcissism Understood I highly recommend it.

Tagged: breakup, emotional abuse, Ex boyfriend, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, relationship