I would like to take a few minutes to discuss why the Beach is potentially the least fun place on earth. I will start by telling you the few positive features. One is it helps you appreciate the beautiful world we live in. Secondly you can relax there (then again you can do that almost anywhere). Last but not least is beach volleyball, which is one of the most fun sports around. Well that was all the positives.

Just a little tangent about the title name.. I always loved when you couldn't curse, you would fill in one of those lines: Son of a beach(which sounds way to close).. Son of a business man and shut the front door (which unless your amazing at annunciating it right, sounds nothing like a curse).

Now I would like to tell you the problems:

1)SAND-  Is there anything more annoying then having Sand on you?.. In your hair, stuck on your legs, in your socks, and worst of all down your pants? It takes way to long to get ALL of that sand off. If your older then 3 it's no longer fun getting buried in sand, I am sorry to burst your bubble. It was always more fun to cover someone in sand and tell them "we are almost done"... then to be covered. Why? Simply because the guy who gets covered wastes about 45 minutes of his life, in a shower, trying to get it off. And by the way sand in your mouth is just terrible. You bite down and you think you broke a tooth. You even stick your hand in your mouth to make sure nothing is broken. Why do people think long walks on the beach is something I might be interested in? If it is during the day, the sand without a doubt will burn your feet. If it is at night and you think its romantic, you will, and I guarantee it, step on some form of sea shell that cuts your foot. With all that being said, you might suggest a catch of some sort is fun on sand. If you think about it, its not fun at all. Football is meant to be played on grass. Baseball gloves should not have sand in them, which will happen and you might as well by a new one. The fun and nice frisbee catch is just not a catch you want to have in public. It is fun and competitive you just don't want to be seen "practicing". It is bad for dating. And worst of all you always have sand in your bagel that you bring to the beach. That ruins a lunch. Who wants to be bothered with all this garbage.

2) The water- Why does anyone go to the beach for the water? Firstly it's never a comfortable temperature. Secondly there is nothing less fun then trying to "ride the waves". The concept of boogie boarding... bites. Riding a wave means nothing but jumping into a wave trying not to get engulfed, which you do 95% of the time, you end up swallowing a little water and throwing up. Now for the other 5% of the time that you ride it to the shore you end up cutting your stomach on the shells, and when you stand up you realize wow "now I need to walk back there to do it again". Boogie boarding is just not cool. There is not even that much to do with a boogie board. You end up trying to have some contest who can stand up on it (pretending to be surfing) the longest. Within 4 seconds you fell off and trying to get back on. This is just not what I want to be doing on my sundays. The second when you come out the water and step on the dry sand, now that just ruins the whole day right there. The way you know that the beach is just not fun, is by saying to yourself whats the best activity? The best activity is drawing your name in the wet sand which you can't even finish because the water washes it away before you are done. These are the problems with the beach, the place, where many people can't wait to go to once summer hits.

And for the part about the pools.

Pools are only half as bad. Firstly when did it become cool not to wear bathing suits anymore? But to just wear your shorts? Secondly Getting undressed to go inside of a pool, to get out, and then to shower and get redressed is just not worth it. Here at least the temperature is usually either refreshing, or hot enough that its almost like a hot tub experience. I hate getting wet to have to dry off. Public pools are nasty, it has become one big urinal. Opening your eyes under water could be the worst thing you could possibly do in a pool. Your eyes turn beet red and they itch like crazy. Worst of all you have to listen to that not funny kid say "why you crying".

Have you ever realized that everything that revolves around a pool is all one big contest?

1)who can hold your breath longer? (one guy always cheats)

2) who can do a handstand longer?(the only way for no one to cheat is to go one after the other)

3)who can swim further with out breathing?(now this is a novel idea)

4)who can tread water the longest?(we get it, you did it in camp)

5)who can do more laps?

6)who can get to the wall quickest?

Then there are diving board competitions:

7) who does a nicer dive?

8) who can do the "coolest" thing?

Then there are the sports competitions:

9) the basketball game (which is always way to violent)

10) Horse and other general basketball games. ( foul shooting contest)..

11)And the typical how much would you give me if I hit this?

12) the football type game

13) the catch which turns into who drops it first.

The thing is, this all sounds so fun. What is my problem? The showering after the pool just tops them all. While enjoying all of these events I just wrote your feet get destroyed. You come out with 12 cuts, which reopen every time you bend your toes for the next 2 weeks. The itchy eyes. And last but not least..drum roll please.... changing. Now that we discovered it is no longer cool to wear a bathing suit, you go in wearing your shorts, which you needed to play basketball in. Now that game turns into the most competitive games of all time with everyone you know watching (since it was a pool party- otherwise why were you there) And in order to play next you either need an extra pair of shorts, but the guy isn't giving shorts to all of his friends, or you needed to bring your own(which no one does because it is very not cool). So you play with your wet shorts but they are weighing you down. Good thing for the wet shorts you now have that built in excuse of "If I had dry shorts".. You also just ate a good two hotdogs and a hamburger with fries.
 To end this piece about pools, You always end up leaving your towel there. The guy who has the pool  texted everyone saying "bring your own towel".  You will forget it, never to see that one again. You wonder why the next time we can't just borrow from him, he has all of ours from last time anyways!