I was very excited to see that I was nominated for one of The Indie Chicks Badass Blogger Awards. But I must admit that I was somewhat surprised to see the category for which I was nominated: "Most Feel Good Blog."
| Naturally, this was the first image that appeared when I Googled "happy feel good shit" |
effectively express my disdain for my environment and surroundings.
Things change, I Guess.
I went back and looked at posts like "How I Saved Dopey the Dog," "Attn: Soon-to-be Uncles," and "My Best Friend, The Terrorist," and realized that there was, in fact, a growing warmth in my heart that came out in my writing, whether I liked it or not.
I went back and looked at posts like "How I Saved Dopey the Dog," "Attn: Soon-to-be Uncles," and "My Best Friend, The Terrorist," and realized that there was, in fact, a growing warmth in my heart that came out in my writing, whether I liked it or not.
Anyway, in an effort to get back to my cynical roots, I decided that I should write something incredibly depressing. My life is pretty incredible at the moment, however, so in order to really depress you all, I had to go with some fiction.
So here you go. Here's a little piece about how school shootings are becoming an increasingly normal occurrence.
It's called, "Where We Are Heading."
* * *
[4:32:02 PM -- 04/08/19]
“911, what is your emergency?”
“Hi, yes. I’m about to kill myself. And I was hoping that you could send someone over to take my body away so that my mom isn’t the one to find me.”
“Okay, sure we can do that for you. I’ll just need to get some info from you. What is going to be your method of suicide?”
“My dad has a gun.”
“I am obligated to inform you that there is an extra three hundred Dollar Fee for the cleanup of blood.”
“That’s fine. I put cash in an envelope. It will be right next to my body.”
“Okay great. Haha, I guess that answers my next question about method of payment. And may I ask what is your reason for suicide? Keep in mind that your answers are confidential and used solely for demographic purposes.”
“Nobody likes me. I don’t fit in at school and I guess I’m weird. I dunno. People beat me up and call me names and I guess I just can’t take it anymore. I hate myself. The only person I love is my mom, which is why I’m calling.”
“Well that was very thoughtful of you. Okay, we will be sending someone over in ten minutes. Is that enough time?”
“Yes, I’m going to do it right when I hang up.”
“Okay. And just to let you know that if you don’t actually build up the courage to do it, there is a fifty dollar fee for sending someone to your house.”
“Okay, thanks. I’m definitely going to do it.”
“Okay, sir. You sound certain. Good for you, keeping your angst to yourself and not shooting up your school. Lord knows we have seen enough of that."
"No problem."
"Alright well then is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Just make sure my mom gets the note. It is with the money.”
“Will do, sir. Good luck.”
“Bye.”
[END TRANSMISSION ::: 4:32:57 PM -- 04/08/19]
[PERTINENCE: MINOR]
[PERTINENCE: MINOR]
- Youngman Brown
This post first appeared on Good Youngman Brown – The Best Place On The Inte, please read the originial post: here
