We're poor now and one step from spending our evenings in the dark. No telly, no Internet, no nothing that would require good, old lecky.

Thinking about it, I've got my grandfather's old radio up in the loft, the wind-up variety...

Anyway, Max has got us one of those free electricity meters. It tells you how many pennies it takes to boil the kettle or to use the microwave. Or to run the fridge. To live, basically.

As a result, tap water is now healthier than a hot cup of tea and microwaving food gives you cancer. And the fridge is on its lowest setting.

The computer eats about 2p an hour so if we work 8 hours a day, so many days a year, we'll be able to claim a £XX deduction on our tax returns. Can't be bothered to work this out. But then, I don't have to - Max will.

I might just point out that the evil device has to be plugged in to give us a reading...