Okay, I just posted my "conversion" story, and as promissed I'm going to give the update on what is going on now, and perhaps in doing so will gain some much needed clarity myself, because there is a whole lot going on.

First off, I want to say that I HATE being called a convert. A convert is someone who changes their beliefs, and 98% of my beliefs are the same today as they were before any of that story took place. I believe in the same God and I believe He operates the same way. Really, the only major differences now are that I believe that the Book of Mormon was actually inspired by God, that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and not a possible crazy person (wasn't too sure either way about that before), that the LDS prophet is a real prophet (wasn't sure one way or the other about that before either), and that the LDS church is the only church which is allowed to have a living prophet in this day in age (maybe someday I'll write more about that.. maybe not... we'll see). Other than that, my beliefs are the same as always, so I do not really consider myself a convert, but I can see how the church does. This is the reason you will see me put conversion and convert in quotes when I use them referring to myself.

Okay, now that that is said, here is my update, I'm first going to run through in the order of the story, and then add a bit on. Sorry if it comes out a bit disjointed.

I started my journey in the church out with an opportunity(?) to share my story in front of several hundred people at the Stake conference last year. Despite the fact that I am quite shy and not huge on public speaking, I am a fairly decent public speaker and the speach went fairly well I believe. I've not spoken in church since. Well, I've said a few things, but honestly I generally keep my mouth closed most of the time. There are several reasons for this. First, I have been trying to learn what the church teaches. Second, I have been trying very hard to not be judged by the people in the church because I do not talk about God the way they do. My relationship with Him is very different. Plus, I've just not had much to say. As far as speaking again in church, well we'll see if I get asked to at some point, but since topics are generally assigned, I'm probably best left in the audience.

I am still talking to God, sorry not going to stop that :) and I'm so glad that the church and it's members believe in personal revelation, it's quite nice to be around people again who don't think I'm crazy if I say God told me something. God and I have had many good talks the last little while, as you will probably notice if you read the posts before this one.

I got the church community, in fact I've never seen a church so good at establishing a sense of community. It is my favorite thing about this church.

I have not had many opportunities to be of help to others, which saddens me. I do not know if they have been there and I've just missed them or what has happened, but I hope that there will be more opportunities available. I was asked to be part of a committee, which I did for a short time, and then never heard anything more. I was also asked to teach a group in the primary, but this I did not do as I felt quite strongly that God was directing me not to, and also felt it would be a big conflict as I knew it would involve teaching some thing that I do not believe, which I am really not comfortable with.

I got the friend that I can talk about God with. We don't agree on everything, but I do enjoy discussing things with her. A mentor I did not get, I would still love to have a spiritual mentor, but for now God is sufficient. I think it would be difficult for me to find someone who believed enough of the same things that I do to really pull that off, but if God can find someone I'd be thrilled. In the meantime I strive to learn what I can from a number of people who I respect and who have pretty varied talents.

My beliefs are still my beliefs, little has changed in that arena as I mentioned earlier, but they have become clearer in my mind, and I have even begun writing them down, making my own personal statement of beliefs.

I still know that the Book of Mormon was sent by God. I'm not yet so sure about the other LDS scriptures, and I am okay with that. I take what spiritually feels right to me and do not take what does not. This is what I always do, and it is what the church teaches, although I sometimes get the impression that it is not really considered acceptable to believe some things and not everything, but that may well just be my perception.

We have a new bishop at the church who I really like. He is also our home teacher, so I hope we (we meaning me, since Erik does not attend) will get to know him better, unfortunately I've not been able to talk with him much as it has understandably been quite busy for him as he's made the transition in.

Let's see.... the next part of the story was the vision, no real updates there. After that I discussed the role of the church in the last days. I have one question that God keeps giving to me over and over and no one has been able to answer for me. I'm not even fully sure what it means. Hopefully eventually someone will be able to answer it, because it is apparently something I need to know. If you know a lot about the end times, please let me know and I'll send you the question and see if you know the answer, I'm pretty sure there must be one.

I am not currently attending the church. Near the end of the year God told me that for right now He does not need me to be there. I was hesitant to stop going and spent a lot of time in prayer, but I know that I needed a break. Being at the church was not drawing me closer to Him, instead it was pulling me away. This is absolutely not because of anything at the church, I just really needed to spend a lot of quality time with God and all of the responsibilities that come with the church were interfering with that, plus all of my constantly questioning God about the churches teachings was keeping me from being able to learn about the things He was steering me towards. Will I go back to the church? Probably, I don't think I'm done there yet, but I don't know. When God tells me to go back, I will go. In the meantime He has had me studying like crazy and working on several projects. The biggest one I started a couple of months ago. It is a blog about the things I have been through in my life and the incredible healing lessons God has taught me. It is entirely Christian in nature and primarily focuses on things that I think pretty much any religion I've ever been would agree upon. It started out with a focus on forgiving others, and has kind of grown from there. It has been a great experience for me to realize how far I have come in the past 15 years. I've called it "Achieving Peace" as that is what it is all about, learning to live in the peace of God. I've also been doing a lot of studying as God is steering me into a really interesting path and there is a lot I will have to do to be prepared once He is ready for me to begin it. It is going to involve some planning and some teaching, both of which I love, so I am quite excited. I don't know if it will start next year, or in 10 years, but it is still quite exciting.

So that is where I am at. My biggest thing right now is trying to figure out how to be a part of a church where I believe 95% of the teachings, but disagree with 5%. I don't care too much about that 5%, but most of the things I disagree with are HUGE in the church. This is a conflict, and I am trying to sort out how to manage that. I am also trying to sort out what that means for Nick and what he learns at church. I suspect if I figure out one or the other the rest will fall in place. Either way though, if God tells me it's time to go back, rest assured I will.