Every one left early in the morning to go out for breakfast and play slots.  Every one except me.  I stayed home to get Mama up and dressed and seated in her recliner; and to get the baby up and dressed and fed.  Babies can't go in casinos.  Every one was gone for several hours, finally coming back around 11am.

I was so stiffled, practically smothering.  I tried real hard to plan a short outing that included me.  It was just a short trip to the Pizza Buffet for dinner.  We could all go.  I wouldn't have to cook and serve a meal, and then clean up afterwards.  Everyone could eat their fill and even enjoy dessert and drinks.  My mother usually eats at least one and half slices of pizza, when we go, which is a lot for her these days. 

I made time for a shower, since I was going out, which is a real luxury for me.  My husband, bless his heart, watched Mama and the baby for me.  After my shower, we sat together in our small bedroom with the baby, and commiserated.  I told him I felt absolutely pathetic because I was excited about going out to eat at a cheap, crappy pizza buffet, but it was the first time I would go out of the house in almost a week, with the exception of picking up my brother at the airport.  We laughed together about it, but really, I was excited about getting out.

Over the next hour, I tried to work out the time line and transportation.  Our van would take Mama and her wheelchair, the baby and his stroller, and me and my father.  My husband and two brothers would follow in his truck.  I planned to load at 3:30pm and leave about 4:00pm.  The hospice health nurse was due at 2:00pm, which gave us plenty of time.

I should have thought ahead.  Every one else was going out for breakfast daily, and then eating dinner at the house, followed by going out again and running around with old friends.  Naturally, going out again for another meal just didn't interest them.  The nurse called to say he was running late and could not arrive until 3:30pm.  By the time the nurse finished, Mama was tired out, Daddy opted to eat at home (which meant I was cooking anyway), and no one wanted to go out.  Trip canceled.

I cooked, I served, I cleaned up.  Every one else went back out to visit friends at the bar or local casino, or some one else's home.  I stayed home with Mama.  I'm learning to not get excited about anything, and to certainly believe I'm not going anywhere.