Sifu Sabrina takes gingerly steps down each step. “Oh, I was changing the positions of a few feng shui objects to face the lucky directions.” She steps down from the ladder and stands facing me. “So, tea, coffee, or me? My predictions are ready.”  She patters to a corner and my gaze follows the sway of her hips. 

“And you’re KL’s number one tomcat!” Sabrina says over her shoulder, and we both laugh, our voices almost rattling the walls of the office.

Tossing my gaze away from her, I stride to her desk and plonk the plastic bag containing Mandarin oranges and a packet of Loong Kee Dried Meat in one corner. “A token of appreciation for your predictions.” I pull out an upholstered chair and subside my skinny frame into it.

“Thanks.”  Sifu Sabrina returns from the corner and sets a steaming porcelain mug and a plateful of big, wheat-coloured groundnuts in front of me. “She rounds her lacquered rosewood desk and sinks her butt into her leather swivel chair which whooshes in ecstasy. “This imported Shangdong brand’s extra crunchy.”

Sabrina leans back in her chair. “The Rat will have opportunities in travel and job promotion. However, these gains will have to come through one’s hard work, not with the help of benefactors.  Career will be stable for wage-earners. Businesspeople should concentrate on consolidating but not expanding. There is a risk of home and traffic accidents. Romance luck will be so-so for single Rats so don’t waste time on parties and social media. A married Rat will need to show understanding with its spouse.”

I collapse the steeple. “Next, Ox.” I take a gulp of my Chinese tea and wipe my lips with my tongue.

Sabrina crosses her legs, exposing well-formed thighs. “The Ox has more lucky stars this year compared to last year. Wealth luck will be better than last year.  Whether as businessperson or salary-earner, the Ox will have steady income. Those in sales, PR and consultancy work can expect a busy year. Health may have issues due to over-work. The love curve will be flat in the first half of the year but will rise in the second half. Married couples can expect an addition to the family.”

I dip my hand into the plastic bag and snatch out a Mandarin orange. “Third, Tiger.” I peel the orange.

I hand over one half of the peeled orange to Sabrina. “Rabbit?”

“Thanks, an active year awaits the Rabbit.” Sabrina gets busy with the peeled orange, speaking with her mouth full. “The Rabbit will get help from various benefactors. A job change will be for the better. Those in the entertainment business, especially, will do well. But the love stars will be unfavourable.”   Her neck muscles quiver as she takes a swallow, her chest expanding and contracting as she takes a deep breath. “Practise compromise with spouse or soul-mate. Single female Rabbits should be wary of whom they befriend on social media. Health issues may arise from over-work.”   

“Holy cow! That means Hot Legs Niteclub will be on a roll.” Sabrina sends reproachful big eyes heavenward which prompts me to check my excitement. “Ahem…next, Dragon.” I pick up a groundnut, break its shell and pop the seeds into my mouth, leaving the broken shells beside my mug.

A grin skitters across my lips. “Sixth, Snake.” I take another gulp of tea.

“Snakes will conflict with Tai Sui in 2022. So, be prepared for a roller-coaster year. But not all is lost. They still have lucky stars in business. However, they should not be tempted to start shady schemes to make fast money as the law will catch up with them. Health will be normal. Relationship with spouse or lover will be quarrelsome. A female Snake will fare better than a male Snake for 2022.”

I go for another groundnut. “Horse?”

Sifu Sabrina leans forward and picks up a metal letter opener. “This is a lucky zodiac animal sign for 2022. Opportunities will be open for the Horse to capitalize on.” She turns the letter opener end over end. “So be bold—ask for a raise or a promotion, venture into a new market, introduce a new product, increase business networking and so forth. Everything will go smoothly. However, the Horse shouldn’t become over-confident and be reckless.  Another pitfall to avoid is not to over-spend after an initial gain. Health will be good but take usual care.”

“Goat.”

“Monkey?”

“Monkey will conflict with Tai Sui. But a few auspicious stars will save the Monkey from doom. Expect ups and downs.” Sabrina flaps one hand up and down. “Be prepared to jump out of the comfort zone. The Monkey may change job, change field of business or re-locate to a different place. Evil stars will prevent the Monkey from reaping speculative gains. The Monkey should drive carefully and avoid high-risk sports.” Sabrina’s expression turns serious. “Pay attention to relationship with girlfriend or boyfriend as the Monkey may lose him or her. Lunar February, lunar April and lunar December will be lucky months.”

“Overall, a positive year but not as good as 2021. The absence of money-losing stars means the Rooster will see wealth and career success.  Benefactors will help the Rooster to overcome obstacles, especially in lunar January, lunar June and lunar December—lunar January means Chinese first month, okay?  However, an evil star will cause temper outbursts so anger management will be critical. In the unlucky months of lunar February, lunar July and lunar August, use judgment, not emotions to make decisions.”

“The faithful Dog.”

Sabrina closes her eyes for a moment as if to search her memory. “A great year awaits the Dog.” She cocks her head sideways. “Lunar May and lunar October offer opportunities for speculative wealth.  However, the White Tiger Star may cause relationship problems with business associates or colleagues.  The Dog’s romance zone will be active, especially in lunar April.  In lunar March and lunar December, unexpected expenditures may pop up. Health will be excellent.”  

“Pig.”

“Surprisingly, the Pig can expect a good year, though clashing with Tai Sui. Wealth luck will be four out of five stars, thanks to the Prosperity Star. Ditto for career luck. Those in speaking-related professions like actors, teachers, motivational speakers and preachers will do well. Whether in business or employment, the Pig should acquire new skills next year. They will be beneficial later. The romance stars will be in the Pig’s favour.” Sifu Sabrina leans back in her chair and folds her arms across her chest. “That’s all for my predictions.  In summary, the top three lucky signs will be Rat, Pig and Horse. Top three unlucky signs will be Monkey, Snake and Tiger.”

I hike my chin in question. “The unlucky animal signs, what should they do?”

/end