How often do we wake up and realize we have been Neglecting ourselves. We're so busy giving and doing for everyone else, that doing anything for yourself seems near impossible. I have tried on numerous occasions to put me first, (has not yet worked out in my favor).

I know so many other women who find themselves in this same predicament. Once we become responsible for our loved ones, that becomes our soul purpose in life. So many discussions are brought up about how unhealthy this type of lifestyle can be. Even with that knowledge, breaking out of that habit seems so far out of reach.

I am aware that there are woman who are capable of separating their personal lives from their family lives. So that means it is achievable. I am in absolute awe of them, hopefully I can get to that point myself.
Every time I've attempted, I found myself drowning in guilt. I'd beat myself up for neglecting my responsibilities. Then feel guilty about thinking of putting my needs first, for not following through and achieving my goals. For even considering putting myself ahead of the others. Jumbled emotions that swell inside to the point of near explosion. Can't do that either, it might upset everyone else.

Lately I have realized the kids are growing up, where would that leave me?
Fortunately blogging has provided me with an outlet to blurt out these thoughts of randomness. I have sat down tried to think of things I used to enjoy, I now find those things bore me.

I suppose the other side to my issues are my past. Constantly being reminded of my failures, hearing I'm a bad parent. Being blamed for everything that possibly could go wrong in life. I could be holding onto that as some sort of crutch and reminder to never let go. That I should be readily available for everyone, but myself.

It doesn't help having the knowledge that so many people outside are capable of harming our kids, then people have the audacity to call that paranoia. How does it make you paranoid when these disturbing stories are true? As a parent, our job is to protect our children. Which means, being alert to any and all possible dangers. Can't trust just anyone with our most prized possessions.

I used to be the type of person that did my own thing. No one could make me do anything I didn't want to. These days I seem to fall for any sob story, because of my nature I make it an absolute nightmare for those who force me to do what I don't want to. As I start feeling angry that they try to steal my free will. so that makes me bitter.

I am starting to see that I do matter. I need to take better care of me, regardless how anyone else feels about my choices. If they choose to have my choices affect them, then that's on them not me.

Love yourself and enjoy your own company. Be your own best friend!

Time to grow up.