I was nineteen years old when romance came knocking on my door.
He was funny; I laughed.
He was cute; I was smitten.
He liked me; I liked him.
He pursued me; I fell in love.
And then as quickly as it started . . . it ended.
My tears covered my pillow for weeks on end. It took me six months to recover. Even though I was totally heartbroken, God gave me the grace to come to grips with the situation.
Looking back, it’s clear that I didn’t know much about marriage, men, or what to look for in a spouse when I started that first, serious romantic Relationship. I just figured if a nice Christian guy was interested, I should be interested back.
What I Know Now That I Didn’t Know Then
The years that followed my first relationship were major eye-openers in my life. I learned several incredible truths that transformed my thinking about what I should be looking for in a future husband. I finally realized that I’m looking to marry more than just a “nice guy.” I’m looking to marry a guy with these three specific qualities:
1. Vision
2. Passion
3. Purpose
What’s the difference between a “nice guy” and a “potential husband” kind of guy? If you’ve ever felt confused or unsure about what to look for in a future husband, this blog post is for you. I’m going to take you through each of the qualities and explain why I personally believe they should be foundational qualities in any guy you would consider a romantic relationship with.
Quality #1: Vision
The Bible has given men the huge task of being the spiritual leader of their homes (Eph. 5:23).
A guy considering marriage doesn’t need to have everything figured out, but he does need to have a plan for where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife.
How then can a man lead you—and your future family—if he doesn’t have a spiritual vision? Vision is just a fancy word for a plan. A guy considering marriage doesn’t need to have everything figured out, but he does need to have a plan for where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife. I’m not talking about him having his fifty-year life plan in order with his burial site already purchased and ready to go. I’m talking about direction. If his vision stops at bringing home the bacon and then vegging out to watch Netflix, that’s not going to cut it.
If you are considering a guy as a potential spouse, you need to have a clear understanding of his spiritual vision. Find out his answers to questions like:
• How do you plan to lead your (future) wife spiritually?
• How do you plan to lead your (future) children spiritually?
• What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
Quality #2: Passion
A potential husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and passionate about making Christ known each and every day.
I personally believe that a guy who truly understands the gospel—and what Christ did for him—will be passionate about His relationship with Christ. This means he does more than just go to church. He communicates about the gospel passionately and lives out what he believes. If a guy isn’t passionate about the gospel, I have to wonder, Why not? In my opinion, this is a huge indicator of what will set a potential husband apart from just a nice guy. A potential husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and passionate about making Christ known each and every day.
Ask him:
• How does being a Christian impact your everyday decisions?
• How do you want to live out the gospel in your life?
Quality #3: Purpose
What are the ways God has uniquely gifted him? Those are extremely important things to know before committing your life to someone.
Find out:
• Does he live his life with a sense of purpose?
• Does he feel called to a certain area of service or certain use of his gifts?
• If not, is he asking the Lord to show him his purpose and willing to live like God calls him to?
I want a guy with a purpose guiding him in his life. Don’t you?
Look for a guy with vision, passion, and purpose. Don’t settle for a guy that’s just nice. Dig deeper, and figure out where he is going and where he will be taking you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Which of those three points is most important to you?
