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Bounded Freedom


Freedom is great. But there's no freedom or liberty without borders.
Too much freedom will cause chaos, will damage others or even yourself.

Boundaries are essential for developing ourselves and relationships with each other, for our ability to give and receive love, for spiritual growth, and for a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

However, boundaries are often violated and we ask ourselves what we can do about it.

In their book 'When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life', psychologists Cloud and Townsend show how to set reasonable boundaries in relationships.

On their website you'll gain sound advice on boundary matters.

On their website, just fill in a search word, click and simply watch the correspondent video (example) !

In 'How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding' the next example has been given:

Leviticus 19:17 states: "Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt"

The word rebuke here is not necessarily an adversarial word. It can mean to "reason together" or to "correct." This verse directly ties our resentment to our failure to talk to someone about something.

In addition, if we avoid confrontation, we share guilt in the problem, we are enabling the problem. To the extent that we are not talking to someone, we are part of the problem and have very little right to be as angry as we sometimes get.

Therefore you should hold someone accountable, when he does something you do not want.

Going one step further:

To the extent you allow someone to do something you resent, you are responsible for the consequences.

Cloud and Townsend have als developed some boundary principles.

As a shortcut, their Ten Laws of Boundaries :

  1. Sowing and Reaping
    Our actions have consequences. Someone will bear them.
    Don’t interrupt this law by regularly bailing others out.

  2. Responsibility
    We are responsible 'to', not 'for' each other.
    We are to love one another, not be one another.

  3. Power
    We do not have power over other people.
    We hardly have enough power over ourselves

  4. Respect
    If we wish our boundaries to be respected we must respect those of others.
    For with the measure you use, you will be measured.

  5. Motivation
    We must be free to say 'no' before we can wholeheartedly say 'yes'.
    “Acts of love” are worthless if we don’t feel to have a choice

  6. Evaluation
    We need to evaluate the effects our boundaries cause others.
    Hurt and harm are not the same – pain may eventually lead to growth

  7. Proactivity
    Boundaries must express what you stand for, not just what you are against.
    Solve problems on the basis of your values, wants, and needs

  8. Envy
    We will never get what we want if we focus on what others have.
    Envy keeps us empty and unfulfilled

  9. Activity
    We need to take the initiative to solve our problems.
    Don’t wait for your partner to take the first step

  10. Exposure
    Boundaries must be communicated.
    Otherwise they are invisible to others
Applying these rules, looks simple, but is hard to do. However, they make the difference in life.

The best freedom is 'Bounded Freedom' !

This post first appeared on Selfbetterment, please read the originial post: here

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Bounded Freedom