I just really needed to talk to the ex-boyfriend. It didn't end the way I wanted it to, so I felt this emptiness. First I had promised myself I was not going to contact him, then I put a date on how long I'd wait to do it. Finally I just decided that what I wanted to do was important enough to me, so I did it.

He was very kind and very understanding. He says he's going through some very difficult times, career wise, and can't leave where he is until his medical problems are solved. He definitely sounded like he was in a deep funk.

When I told him that I hadn't contacted him because I want a man in my life but didn't think he could give me what I need, he agreed. He said he needs to put his energy, what he has left, into resurrecting his failing career and that he only wants good for me so he understood why I'd done what I did.

He also says he still loves me and that he won't tell me to just stay away or to wait. He can't make that decision for me. When he said he doesn't want to drag anyone down with him I reminded him that I'm the type that wants to be there through it all, good and bad. He doesn't work that way, and while I respect his right to live life as he chooses, I don't understand it. We all have bad times and sometimes they are made easier by having someone there to help, other times not.

Nothing was resolved. We both said we still love each other. I'll continue to live my life and if I'm still available when he's put things back together, maybe there is chance at a life with him. But I'm not putting my life on hold.