I called Grandma this morning on my way to work.  I just like to check in with her and see how she's doing.

This morning she was canning tomatoes.  And waiting for the dew to dry so she could cut the grass.  Oh, and she had to fix my aunt's shirt on the sewing machine.

It's a busy day.

I adore my grandma.

Growing up, I didn't appreciate my grandma as much as I do now...that's probably typical of children.  Looking back, I realize just how much she did (and does), and how many of those skills I wish I had.

Grandma made the best homemade bread.

And fried chicken.

She could make her own patterns for sewing.

She gardens to this day, and she puts up the food each year.  She cans and freezes and gives away.

She mows the lawn.

I have never mowed.  Ever.

I have made homemade bread, but not like Grandma's.  She had a starter that she had to keep up.  It made the lightest, tastiest loaf of bread.

The sewing machine scares me.

I want to garden, but it scares me because plants don't verbalize that they're hungry like kids and pets do.  Most of my plants die.

But I did learn how to make my Grandma's fried chicken.  And it is good.

I wish that I could take a month off and go to Mississippi and hang out with Grandma.  I want to learn what she knows.

My dream is to have a farm.  Nathan and I want to build a house in Mississippi on some family land and become self-sufficient.  I want to can, and make jam and bread, and garden.  I want to make cheese and butter with milk from my animals.  I want to collect eggs from my chickens.

Lately, I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I have had so many dreams, and I've lived a lot of them.  I was a drama therapist.  I lived in NYC.  I've gone to school.  I've traveled.  I got married and I have kiddos.  I got a dog (well, two dogs).  I teach college classes.  I work to support my family.

But I don't love my job.  And I want to love my job.  I want to be excited about going to work.  I just don't know what I want to do.

Wait.  That's wrong.  I know what I want to do; it just won't make me any money.

I want to have kidlets and be a stay at home mom.  I want my farm and my chickens.  I want to blog and read and travel and volunteer and bake.  I want to cook meals from real food.  I want to live a slower paced life that focuses on what's really important.

I just don't know how to make money doing it.