25th December 2015. Quite a depressing post on this joyful occasion.
Despite countless of advices and rejection from others, I still choose to believe you unless I hear it with my own ears. Did you even know that I was too disappointed in you till I cried? I never wanted to show people my vulnerable side but I did that day. I poured out all the misery contained for the past 2 months. A simple word could provoke the feelings within.
I can't said that you lied to me, cos you didn't. The irony is, you hid the truth from me. Why? Is it because she hate me? Or is it because you hate me? That night, I remembered I couldn't face you. I really wanted to run away from everything. Questions flooded my mind as I pounded to and fro in the room. Somehow I chose to believe you. I trust that you wouldn't treat me in such a way. I pretended like nothing ever happened.
Did you know what happened the very next day? Apparently, the friend of yours betrayed you. That joke she said wasn't a joke after all. Everything matched like a Jigsaw Puzzle and it clicked in my mind. I didn't ask you anything cos I still value everything; the friendship and the sentiments between us.
If you want to hide the truth from me, can you do it flawlessly so that it doesn't hurt me?
You mentioned that you are one of my best friends. You sure? When you said that, I just gave a weak smile. When your words sliced me, did you bother to apologize? No, you didn't. You took it as a joke. What else can I do? Throw tantrums? Show the world that I'm displeased?
I didn't do anything wrong but somehow you just hate me. Why? Because I'm different? Yes, I'm different; I'm not like you. If you hate me because I walked off, then sorry; I had to. I can't see myself standing there while listening to you cos YOU treated me that way.
If you think that you shouldn't give me anything, then why did I bother so much to give you something? You know how I treat you. They know. But somehow they are coward enough; nobody dared to Speak against you. They know you are easily offended so that's why everyone is careful with their words when they speak to you. Then what about ME? Did you know that nobody cared about my feelings? Does she? Do you?
Do you know that I have to cry silently? I have no one to complain to, no one to speak to, no one to pour out my feelings to. Probably Bibo is already sick of me repeating the same old story for hundreds of times. I don't bother my parents with such tiny details in my life, it's tiny for them and they believe that I am able to handle the situation well. But you are different. You cry out loud when you want, you laugh out loud when you want. You show your temper when you want, and you throw tantrums when you want. You have your friend to talk to, you have your parents to pour out your feelings.
If you want to speak ill of me, I have no comment. The tongue is yours. If the people around you listen to you blindly, that's also their choice. I have no comment but please. If you people are smart, you will know that listening to one party only is not wise of you.
I remembered I told JY that it's hard for me to trust anyone again. She told me that she understood my situation; she said she trust me and I could do the same.
I don't think I can go back to the good old times. People always move forward. I must.
I need time, I need more time to recover. I haven't recover from the previous incident and you stabbed me again. I'm already used with rubbing salt on my wound, rubbing it with more salt doesn't help with healing. Time heals. Love heals.
Signed,
Magdalene.
