Going through some old books in the work library today and I ran across a novel by Edward Bulwer-Lytton. I guarantee you know this guy, whether you know you know him or not. He was the originator of many a familiar phrase, like “pursuit of the almighty dollar”, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, “dweller on the threshold” and “the great unwashed” (I pinched all those off his Wikipedia page).

He’s also the guy who famously opened a novel with the words “it was a dark and stormy night.” In all fairness to the guy, it wasn’t yet a cliché in 1830.

You may or may not know that he inspired an annual competition – the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest – which challenges contestants “to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written.” This year’s winner was chosen from 6,000 entries. Are you ready?

She was a beautiful Woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or like a glazed donut, depending on how attracted to her you were.

Some of the others are pretty funny, too. Check ’em out – and have a good weekend!