This is the dress post. As in, hopefully the last one I'll ever have to write again. In fact, it's definitely the last one because if I get married again (gah), I'll just wear this dress again. I can't go through with this again.
So, I had been half-heartedly looking, mostly online, for a suitable "small, second wedding" dress. Unfortunately most websites don't have a category for that. After being dragged around to several lady clothing stores, The Litigation gently suggested that I involve a lady friend to help me shop. He knows good and well that I barely have any friends anywhere, much less any lady friends around here that I could ask to share in that nightmare. Without him saying it, we both knew he meant my Fashionable Coworker.
Fashionable Coworker has super-excited about my wedding ever since she first found out about it. She's just one of those people who really enjoys going to like, 20 weddings a year, which sounds horrible to me. She is, not surprisingly, super fashionable. The best part is, I actually like her. But we'd never spent time outside of work together and shopping with me is like babysitting a toddler who is in desperate need of a nap. Seriously, I get very cranky and start trudging my feet. I have to be bribed with treats.
The next morning, I was barely able to finish telling Fashionable Coworker that The Litigation had suggested I involve some lady assistance in my dress shopping when she gasped loudly and began clapping her hands. She was STOKED. However excited she was, I was the complete opposite. Her zenith was my nadir, plus another 10 feet of despair.
There was a reason I'd been hesitant to involve her.
Within twenty minutes, she had drawn up a 3-page worksheet for me to fill out. (By the way, none of this is an exaggeration. She was really that excited). It was a matrix of likes, dislikes, must-haves, definitely-nots, and everything in between. I also got a multiple page list of stores at two fancy area malls, with her suggestions highlighted in yellow. Anything I wanted to add or take off, I had to do in pink highlighter. Before I knew what had happened, I had committed to meeting her at 10:00 a.m. sharp on Saturday (ugh!) in the dress department of the first store on the list.
For the next two days, I looked at a zillion links she sent me, then returned them with detailed explanations of what I did or didn't like. We discussed appropriate underpinnings. We discussed appropriate shoes.
The day before the Big Day, I was handed a three page agenda (it actually said "Agenda" at the top), complete with appendices. This chick was ON IT. I was told to wear a dress (to put me in the right "mood" for dress shopping), bring 2 pairs of different-height heels, some Spanx, and a good attitude. I mostly had it together by 10 a.m.
What ensued was the most amount of shopping I'd done in the last 10 years combined. In 5 hours, I got 1 cup of coffee and got to pee twice, and the second time was on the way out the mall. Nothing to eat, which had been my real concern, since I like to eat every 3-4 hours. I'd originally wanted to stash some almonds in my purse but forgot. The Litigation thought I'd been kidding. He had no idea how HARD CORE Fashionable Coworker is.
That day we visited at least 20 stores in two malls. Two of the stores were taken off the agenda - one because it was no longer there, the other because I'd found a dress I really liked (but not in my size) and at least one suitable backup, so she deemed it acceptable to skip the last one. That collage above? All dresses I tried on. I tried on more, but this is all I could find/remember.
In most of the dresses I just felt really uncomfortable and it showed. I mean, I've seen cats that look more comfortable in sweaters than I looked in a lot of those dresses. Fashionable Coworker insisted that I looked great in most dresses but I still think she's a little crazy. I mean, she exclaimed, "You look like a Kardashian!" when I came out in the red one above (second row, far right). I'm still not sure whether that was supposed to be complimentary or an insult. I think complimentary because she really liked it - apparently it made me very curvy looking.
The dress I ultimately ended up getting isn't pictured (but one in the collage is very similar). The dress I picked was the 5th dress I tried on, at the second store. In other words, I'd found it within 45 minutes, so I could have been done and completely fine with my choice. I think what really sealed it was when I walked out and said, "I really like this dress," and she responded, "You look like yourself in that dress." It's very plain but it's got a little quirkiness to it, which seems about right for me.
Now to figure out everything else for the wedding, which is like, oh, weeks away....
So, I had been half-heartedly looking, mostly online, for a suitable "small, second wedding" dress. Unfortunately most websites don't have a category for that. After being dragged around to several lady clothing stores, The Litigation gently suggested that I involve a lady friend to help me shop. He knows good and well that I barely have any friends anywhere, much less any lady friends around here that I could ask to share in that nightmare. Without him saying it, we both knew he meant my Fashionable Coworker.
Fashionable Coworker has super-excited about my wedding ever since she first found out about it. She's just one of those people who really enjoys going to like, 20 weddings a year, which sounds horrible to me. She is, not surprisingly, super fashionable. The best part is, I actually like her. But we'd never spent time outside of work together and shopping with me is like babysitting a toddler who is in desperate need of a nap. Seriously, I get very cranky and start trudging my feet. I have to be bribed with treats.
The next morning, I was barely able to finish telling Fashionable Coworker that The Litigation had suggested I involve some lady assistance in my dress shopping when she gasped loudly and began clapping her hands. She was STOKED. However excited she was, I was the complete opposite. Her zenith was my nadir, plus another 10 feet of despair.
There was a reason I'd been hesitant to involve her.
Within twenty minutes, she had drawn up a 3-page worksheet for me to fill out. (By the way, none of this is an exaggeration. She was really that excited). It was a matrix of likes, dislikes, must-haves, definitely-nots, and everything in between. I also got a multiple page list of stores at two fancy area malls, with her suggestions highlighted in yellow. Anything I wanted to add or take off, I had to do in pink highlighter. Before I knew what had happened, I had committed to meeting her at 10:00 a.m. sharp on Saturday (ugh!) in the dress department of the first store on the list.
For the next two days, I looked at a zillion links she sent me, then returned them with detailed explanations of what I did or didn't like. We discussed appropriate underpinnings. We discussed appropriate shoes.
The day before the Big Day, I was handed a three page agenda (it actually said "Agenda" at the top), complete with appendices. This chick was ON IT. I was told to wear a dress (to put me in the right "mood" for dress shopping), bring 2 pairs of different-height heels, some Spanx, and a good attitude. I mostly had it together by 10 a.m.
What ensued was the most amount of shopping I'd done in the last 10 years combined. In 5 hours, I got 1 cup of coffee and got to pee twice, and the second time was on the way out the mall. Nothing to eat, which had been my real concern, since I like to eat every 3-4 hours. I'd originally wanted to stash some almonds in my purse but forgot. The Litigation thought I'd been kidding. He had no idea how HARD CORE Fashionable Coworker is.
That day we visited at least 20 stores in two malls. Two of the stores were taken off the agenda - one because it was no longer there, the other because I'd found a dress I really liked (but not in my size) and at least one suitable backup, so she deemed it acceptable to skip the last one. That collage above? All dresses I tried on. I tried on more, but this is all I could find/remember.
In most of the dresses I just felt really uncomfortable and it showed. I mean, I've seen cats that look more comfortable in sweaters than I looked in a lot of those dresses. Fashionable Coworker insisted that I looked great in most dresses but I still think she's a little crazy. I mean, she exclaimed, "You look like a Kardashian!" when I came out in the red one above (second row, far right). I'm still not sure whether that was supposed to be complimentary or an insult. I think complimentary because she really liked it - apparently it made me very curvy looking.
The dress I ultimately ended up getting isn't pictured (but one in the collage is very similar). The dress I picked was the 5th dress I tried on, at the second store. In other words, I'd found it within 45 minutes, so I could have been done and completely fine with my choice. I think what really sealed it was when I walked out and said, "I really like this dress," and she responded, "You look like yourself in that dress." It's very plain but it's got a little quirkiness to it, which seems about right for me.
Now to figure out everything else for the wedding, which is like, oh, weeks away....
