Dear RM,
Welcome home. I was once in your shoes. Fresh off the airplane, excited to see my family but terrified at the same time because there was that big looming question of: now what? It's hard, I know. I've been there. It feels like your heart is in two places at once, doesn't it? Like you belong in two places at once and you so desperately want to go back. I know this was definitely not in your plans. This is not how you expected your mission to go. No one ever plans on coming home earlier than planned. I know it hurts, I really do. You might feel like your a failure, that you could of stuck out whatever caused you to come home a bit longer. Trust me, please listen.This is not your fault. You are not a failure.
There isn't something you did or didn't do, life happens, medical things happen. You served to the best of your abilities, you did the best you could with what you had. You are probably fighting a battle that most people can't even begin to understand, but trust me you are never ever ever alone. Because our Father in Heaven and our Savior know what you are going through. They really do. I know sometimes, in the quiet moments it doesn't feel like it. You may even feel abandoned in some moments, and question everything and why this happened to you. Don't feel bad at all about those moments, please? You are fighting an uphill battle and it's hard, and it may continue to be hard. But there is a top to this mountain somewhere, and I know you will find it. I really do because our Savior will never ever ever leave you alone, he is walking up this mountain with you. Our Father in Heaven and our Savior are extremely proud of your decision to serve. You made a hard decision, and gave up life as you knew it to go and serve the Lord.
You served the Lord. Whether that was two days, two months or two years, you served the Lord. And guess what? There is no time limit to serve the Lord, there really isn't. You don't have to be a full time missionary to serve Him. There are other areas, church callings, serving in the community or maybe even just being a friend to someone. Remember when the Savior talked about when we serve others we are basically serving him as well? Remember that, you serve him pretty much every single day. Sometimes without even realizing. Right now you are probably worried about the future, trust me I am too. You are definitely not alone in that. It's something that everyone worries about, I don't want to generalize what you are feeling at all, but just remember you are never ever alone. Remember you need to be patient with yourself. I know it's hard, we are often our worst critics.
Remember that there is no such thing as an early returned missionary. Okay? Remember that there really isn't because whether you served for 1 day or 1 month you are a returned missionary. You made a hard choice, you opened a mission call, you put on a name tag. You are a returned missionary, and don't ever feel like you need to put the word "early" in front of that term because early returned missionaries don't exist. Every missionary who comes home is a returned missionary.
Give yourself time to figure things out, you might have to feel around for a little bit. Tiptoe around some things, but the important thing is time. Don't rush into things, make sure whatever you choose will help you temporally, spiritually and physically. Do not push yourself beyond what you can handle. Listen to yourself. You have limits. Remember you are not the same person that looked at your room, turned off the light and then got in a car with your suitcases to head to the MTC. You are different. You have new skills, a new appreciation for the Lord, a different outlook on life. You may have different limitations, it's going to be touch and go for a bit. But you can get through this. The first week is tough, but as time goes by it gets easier. It really does. Remember you are never alone, please. If you ever do feel alone, pray. Our Father in Heaven will always be there, he's only a prayer a way. He will walk you through this, no matter how alone you may feel. He is there.
Love,Shelbie
To follow my blog and be notified of new posts click here.
