Dear Readers, Happy Pioneer Day!
I've tried hard not to, but sometimes I can't help but think why did this happen to me? I was doing everything I was supposed to, I was working hard on my Mission so why on earth would this happen in such a way that it eventually lead to me coming home? But I have realized that we have no way of really choosing everything that happens to us in this life, but we do always have a choice of how we respond to it. I'm not going to lie and say it's been all smiles as I have faced this challenge, it's been a lot of tears, frustration and a lot of absolutely unbearable moments. I've tried hard to find the daylight in everything, because even though its hard to find it is there. I realized that while I was on my mission, that my depression and anxiety had always been there I just had natural subconscious ways to handle it without realizing. While on my mission, all of those natural ways of handling it were gone, which lead to my eventual diagnosis. But if I hadn't gone on my mission I probably wouldn't have known this was a problem until later on, and knowing the person I was before I left my willingness to get outside help would have been very low. I'm going to be honest and say I can't quite understand why I need to face this trial but this is meant to prepare me for something greater. The tools I learned on my mission have been serving me extremely well at home and I am so grateful to be able to receive the needed help. I know that I might have to deal with this for the rest of my life, but I have the right tools to learn how to manage it. One of my favorite scriptures is Doctrine and Covenants 101:16 which says, "Let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion, for all flesh is in my hands, be still and know that I am God." I have drawn a lot on that scripture as well as the hymn Be Still My Soul. The early pioneers probably didn't understand either why they were driven from place to place, but they trusted that their trials would lead to something greater. After so much heartache, tears and many fervent prayers they were led to what is now Utah. As today is Pioneer Day I thought it would be a fitting way to tribute the pioneers, their example has meant a lot to me. They didn't have all the answers, they had no computers, GPS's or any pictures of what was waiting for them at the end of their Journey. But they did have one thing, faith. Sometimes it's hard to have faith when trials hit, but sometimes we just have to cling to the bigger picture and realize that this isn't forever. A quote one of my mission companions said a lot that helped me is, "Everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay it's not the end." I have learned so much about trusting in my Heavenly Father, and it might not be okay right now but I have complete faith that my Heavenly Father is leading me to something greater. Remember that he always has a plan for you, and even when it might seem rough, "the waves and winds still know his voice who ruled him while he dwelt below." He has walked in your shoes before, he understands exactly what you are going through. And while he has the power to calm the storms in our lives, sometimes he wont and calms us instead because there is a bigger picture that we can't see but he can.
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