Since returning home from Vienna my depression and anxiety have hit hard.

Honestly, I can remember only one other time in my life where it was this bad and that was on my mission over three years ago.

Back when I wasn't even on medication.

But now I am on medication so I don't really know what's going on or why my mental illness has suddenly decided to spike.

Whatever the reason, I have decided that blogging about it really helped once before and I'm positive that it will help again so here I am getting serious about blogging again.

No, like I really promise this time that I won't go away for over a year and leave all of you hanging about my life.

And my mother will be pleased as she always tells me that people what to know what you are doing! They want to know how you are!

So here I am. Writing again. Learning again how to be vulnerable and actually talk about this stuff instead of just trying to internalize it and hide it from the world. I've learned super quickly that it's not healthy to do that.

However, I keep doing it.

Like I just think maybe if I try again harder this time I can do it on my own. The answer is I really just can't do this on my own.

And the community of individuals who actually reads my blog (like seriously it still blows my mind that people actually have found and read my blog) really helps me and gives me someone to talk to at really all hours of the night.

So here I am. Writing this at almost midnight and my next door neighbor has left their bathroom vent on and it's driving me crazy. Anyways, back the point.

My plans for this blog are really just to write more. I will be posting (usually, I mean come on life happens) every Monday, Wednesday and Friday 5:00 p.m. Mountain Time.

This means that you get to hear from me way more often. So hooray! But also means that I am going to have to write more. So because of that and the fact that  I can't control when the whim to write will suddenly hit my blog posts sometimes will be written way before you actually see them.

So, for example. I am writing this post currently at 10:56 pm on Monday 11 March 2019.

You, my amazing reader, will not see this post until Monday at 5:00. Why? Because I need to schedule things to actually stay on top of doing this blog thing.

I mean I am so serious I actually paid $12.00 to get rid of the .blogspot.com and buy an actual domain! I had problems getting the actual domain name for my blog I wanted.

So my blog domain is searching4daylight.com.

For those used to the old one searchingfordaylight.blogspot.com will bring you to the same place. No worries. :)

So I'm happy to be back, I know you've all probably seen the posts before this so hello again! To my new readers' thanks for joining!

To my readers who have been here since the beginning when I came home early from my mission somewhat broken thank you for staying with me for so long and supporting me in this journey that we call life.

Thanks all it means a lot.