Ah, the Snow Day. The kids are outside romping in the beautiful white snow. Me inside baking ginger cookies and sipping hot chocolate, watching fondly from the frost-covered windows. Wishing it could go on like this forever. AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!! That would be the Lisa from PB Kids scenario. You know the one where everyone and everything looks, smells and acts perfect all the time? Here's the real deal... TP: Why don't you go play in the snow? It's beautiful and perfect for sledding. Thing 1: I don't have any Snow Pants. TP: That's no problem. Just put some extra layers on. That's what we always did. Thing 2: And I don't have any good gloves for snow. Mine are too small. TP: No problem. You can borrow mine. Thing 2: Uh, Mom. Your hands are like a giant's compared to mine. TP: No problem. Just stuff some Kleenex in the ends. That'll keep you even warmer. (smiling...) Thing 1: And I need a shower (this, as if a sudden epiphany...). TP: No problem. You can take it afterward. That makes more sense anyway. Thing 2: But I don't have any friends in the neighborhood. TP: No problem. You have a built-in friend right here. Your sister. (smiling...) Thing1: Mom, it's like, totally freezing out. TP: No problem. That's what your new coat is for. It's got that cool Thermo-nuclear-insulate-layer to keep you toasty warm, remember?! Thing 2: And my boots don't fit. TP: No problem. You can wear your sister's old ones. They should be just right by now. (smiling...) Thing 1: I don't have any snow pants. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to beat them. Seriously. Call Social Services. I can't be held responsible for my own actions any longer. The smile is creasing my face and causing me serious pain. My face might just crack. Pass me the Senor Patron, Queen. It's my turn... So, I finally manage to shove them out the door after about an hour of tussle. (No, I'm not kidding...) I sit down at the computer to get a little work done, thinking maybe some of my day can be billable after all. NINE minutes tick by on the clock. The back door flies open. Thing 1: (Covered in snow) I have to go to the bathroom. (Of course, you do. You are Thing 1, and that is your M.O.) She proceeds to strip off the 14 layers of clothing that took her one hour to put on...and heads to the bathroom, which is all of 6 feet away. Thing 2: (Shrieking into house, directly followed by dog, who is quite literally covered in huge globs of snow. Dog is grinning from ear to ear...) Oh my gosh, it is, like, so, like freezing out there. It could, like, freeze your nose, like, right off your face. This from the child who has on her lightest weight winter coat, no scarf or hat and the pair of makeshift gloves her child-abusing mother made her wear. Her hightop's are soaked, and she collapses onto the mudroom floor, as if she has just run a marathon in the snow. Thing 2: I'm done. It's, like, way too cold. Yep. That's it. 9 minutes of respite for over an hour of hellish preparation. Thing 1: (coming out of the bathroom) What are you doing? Thing 2: I'm done. It's, like, colder than the arctic out there. Thing 1: Yeah. I don't have any snow pants anyway.
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