I quit having Milk Products (mainly Coffee and tea). Don't ask me why. I just did. That I find letting go off curd (yoghurt?) to be extremely difficult is another story altogether. Now, whenever I go to someone's house you must see the way they react. And in India, the degree of hospitality that I show to my guests is directly proportional to the amount of food I successfully stuff them with. It so happens that coffee and tea are common beverages to go with the "hospitality". Nobody leaves without having either of the above.
(Yes, it's as if you are almost at gunpoint!
You will take coffee or tea?
No nothing thanks. I am fine.
Ok. So coffee is it?
No seriously. I am fine. Thanks.
How many spoons sugar?
Aaargh! Even salt must be okay with me!)
Recently I went to someone's house and added them to the list of the jaw-droppers-after-hearing-my-giving-up-milk-products. As soon as I told them that I don't have coffee or tea their jaw dropped and their eyes widened with a how come you are alive? kind of a look. I give them that sheepish smile as if they had caught me while I just murdered somebody and was looking around to hide the weapon!
What's so wrong in giving up milk products? I get to have good fresh fruit juices instead. That helps me in controlling my size so that I can still manage to squeeze into doors made for the size of average Indians.
That brings me to the burning issue of my increasing waistline. It's burning because everyone thinks I am getting more cumbersome by the day. A recent conversation with my tata went this way.
My tata: "Exercise madta idya?" "Are you exercising?"
Me: "Madbeku. Maditini" "I need to. I will"
Me to Me: Oh no not again! This conversation happens everytime I meet him! And I still make those promises like Gen. Musharraf makes on fighting terrorism.
MT: "Madbekappa exercise. Illa andre nodu ee naduve heart problems barta ide chikka chikka avarige. Aa Mr. X gottallva ninge? Avanige 35 kooda aagilla vayyasu, aagle heart attack anthe. Doctors helidru avanige avana weight inda ne avanige aagirodhu antha. So neenu nodko"
"You must exercise. Otherwise, nowadays young people are being affected by heart problems. You know that Mr. X? He was hardly 35 years of age and has had an heart attack already. Doctors told him to reduce weight. You should also take care"
Me: "Hun Tata. Madtini" "Yes Grandfather. Will do"
Me to Me: Atleast this time bugger start doing something once you are in chennai. Don't keep promising like this to him.
MT: "Nanu S ge yavaglu heltane irtini. Avanu enu madalla. Nodu ivaga henge iddane antha!" "I always used to tell S to exercise and control his weight. He never did anything. Look at him now!"
Me: "Hun tata. Madtini" "Yes Grandfather. Will do"
Me to Me: Okay. From tomorrow I should start exercising. I will get up at 6AM and do some jogging and stretching for atleast 40 minutes.
They are all not entirely wrong you know. They include my mother and every well-wisher of mine. My body today resembles someone like Bomman Irani. Ok to be more precise, the top portion (waist and above, don't get ideas!) resembles Bomman Irani's top portion and the legs portion resembles Rambha (I mean that thin! you know!)
Next day morning 6AM. My mobile alarm is almost ready to stand up and crush me to death. No wonder my mobile looks like Amrish Puri to me! Till 6.45AM I am successfully snoozing the alarm when my wife gets up and starts her booting up process to go to office. After she gets up you need no alarm. You are so alarmed at the sounds she can produce once she is awake, you are automatically awake and up on your feet.
One joke to end the random post:
One particular day at office, my colleagues were having tears in their eyes and the sounds in the office were not particularly sad. So, I was looking around as to what was happening. Then one of them managed to explain the joke to me. Somebody had written physiotherapeutist as physio-the-rapist. I was like, "duh?!". I had to laugh.
