Wow … when did it become August?

My last update was my post Doctor-visit. I haven’t been sticking quite to the diet like I should’ve been since then, but I haven’t gone back to my old ways either. Work has been a roller coaster. I had a huge project recently go live and already have two more projects staring at me going “Is it my turn yet?” So, yeah, work is great, but very hectic, stressing, demanding, etc. etc.

In fact, work has been stressing me which is why I haven’t been sticking 100% to my diet lately. The only time I crave sugar is when I’m stressed out or sick. And these last couple of months I’ve been both. I’ll save y’all the gross details, but it was so bad I saw my doctor who had me see another doctor. Then that doctor said that it could be cancer and would need a hysterectomy ASAP. And so I had tests. The tests didn’t show anything. I saw another doctor and had more tests. Then I was told that I didn’t have cancer and that more tests were needed to find the cause. Then I was told that they didn’t know what was wrong with me and “it must be stress.”

Deja vu, dude.

I’ve been put on several medications to stop the gross things that were happening, and I’ve been fine ever since. But during that time I couldn’t keep much down in the way of food and drink, so I lived off PB-and-honey sandwiches and Coca-Cola for about 2 months. I know, sugar overload compared to my regular diet, but my tummy would accept nothing else. Worse, I couldn’t work out during the time this was going on. And it’s been too hot to go walking during work. So I’ve been a slob.

I guess the good news is that I haven’t gained any weight … but I’m not losing any either. Yay?

I’ve been playing a myriad of video games on Steam, and one of my Aion friends introduced me to a new Chinese MMO called Revelation. I’ve been playing the Chinese beta (now released) and am loving it despite not knowing half of what’s going on due to language barrier. It reminds me a lot of Aion and I’m in love with the healer class. It’s supposed to hit North America next year, and I’ll likely start playing it full-time. Woot!

I’ve been taking a few online classes this summer to refresh my skills. Nothing too terribly hard — a little SQL, python, and javascript. I have enrolled in a cybersecurity class that starts soon, so I’m really looking forward to that. Part of me really wants to try to get my Lotus/Domino admin certification, but considering the way IBM has been dragging their feet in its development over the last few years I wonder if it would be a waste of my time. Rumors are the product line is dying off on purpose so IBM can push their cloud services. Why try to master a dying or abandoned product?

Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time I made an archaic platform my specialty.

Let’s see, what else? I deleted all of my profiles from the various dating websites I was using. Maybe I’m too picky, or maybe the pool of single men available in Birmingham needs some chlorine? Too many misogynistic troglodytes and vapid narcissists for my liking. I went out with this one guy who was really cool, but he would complain if I didn’t answer his messages fast enough, or if I spent time with other people he would pout. Dude, you’re not my husband, chill the fuck out. Another I liked at first seemed like he would be fun, until I found out he’s a sociopath … yeah, no thanks. Another guy had four ex-wives and was only 35! o.O

Maybe I’m dipping in the wrong pool.

My mom keeps urging me to find a church. She keeps telling me that she prays I’ll “find a Godly man” … one who will give me a child. WTF? I told her, “First off, my relationship with the Lord is fine, thanks. Secondly, not all men who go to church are necessarily good men. Third, I don’t need a baby to be happy!”

She means well. I have to keep reminding myself of that, but it makes me laugh.

I know I haven’t given any updates on Jessie in a long time. There’s been a lot going on with her that she has not wished me to share and I’ve respected her wishes. I will share that about two months ago I received a text from her then-boyfriend followed by her Father that she had threatened to kill herself and was on her way to the hospital. My heart breaks for her because she is in a lot of pain. I’m glad that she’s finally getting the help she needs, but I know she has a long road ahead of her. It angers me that I warned both her father and her mother for years that this would happen, and this maybe could’ve been avoided. Her mother admitted that I was right but says she didn’t realize how bad Jessie was despite everything I shared with her. Her father on the other hand, would rather be hit by a bus than admit I was right about anything.

The life Jess has right now is not what I wanted for her. She has no job. No driver’s license. No car. She’s not in school and has no inclination of even doing anything remotely like working towards a career path. She simply exists.

We talk on the phone and via Facebook most days, unless she’s mad at me. If I dose out some tough love, she ignores me for a few days. It’s to be expected I guess. I try to be as supportive as I can, and listen whenever she needs to talk. She’s afraid of everything and everyone. And it breaks my heart.

Honestly, I don’t know what else to do for her other than be there for her and pray for her. I’m still pushing her to try to think about working, even if it’s something she has to walk to. I told her she could take courses online like I do and to try out lots of different courses to see what she likes. With her father being ex-military as well as a “single dad” (as he likes to tell people), she could likely qualify for various grants and/or scholarships. I don’t know if my encouragement does any good some days, she just gets mad if I bring it up. I only hope that one day she wakes up and sees that she has to make something of herself. I told her that her situation could change very easily, but only she could it. That I couldn’t do it for her, nor could her father or mother. She says “I know, but I’m scared.”

So, yeah, that’s been my life the last few months. At least I have a fun weekend coming … D&D with gamer friends, and seeing a movie with work friends. Maybe drinking and shenanigans with my bestie and her family.

All in all, I figure it could be worse. It could always be worse, right?