I'm just getting over being really sick. Deathly ill without the death part. It must have been the worst cold I've ever had in my LIFE. I couldn't Sleep at night and kept waking up confused and mentally uncomfortable due to some unsettling dreams. I'm not even sure what they were about other than memorization that I couldn't do for the life of me.

Other issues as well, of the familial kind. They want me to stop being a vegetarian and check up on me behind my back to my mom. Is she eating? Then my mom called my voicemail and I couldn't stop thinking about whether or not they would stop paying my tuition if I refused to eat meat. It's irrational, but that's my obsessive-compulsive self. I can't help it and I'm not sure I want to.

Must finish in two years. The other thing is that I want to study elsewhere, that is, in another country but with this school. They have so many opportunities, but he's so unwilling to pay for it that it's ridiculous. I NEVER asked him to pay for anything of mine while growing up--nothing other than food and clothes I mean. And even so, I didn't get much there anyway. I wish I could get a job and be outgoing and all that stuff, but it just isn't the way I am.

Now I'm sitting here trying to get rid of the redness in my eyes that's become more and more familiar now that I've moved. From crying, stress, lack of sleep. [But I really am happier here. I cannot stress it enough.] All I know is they mask the problem, wash away the tears and strain. They make the red go away.