I never have been someone good at the words one says out Loud,
The social anxiety,
Always holding words,
From escaping my mouth.

It didn’t matter what I had to say,
be it good or bad,
When I was overwhelmed,
It was hard to let anyone else know that.

I’ve gotten better,
over time,
but there are still things I wish I could speak,
Some, to people no longer here,
Some, to people I hope, won’t leave.

1.  I’ve been hurt by you,
   Before you,
   And will probably be hurt again,
   But thank you for the pain,
   You’ve taught me how to stand on my two feet,
   And learn to take care of myself.
2. I have way too much faith,
   Resting on your shoulders,
   And I wish I didn’t,
   Because it always hurts when you let me down.
   I wish I could do something for myself,
   Instead of hoping you will,
   But maybe what you lack,
   I have, still.
3. There’s so much I have admitted to you,
   But still so much I’ve never told you,
   Like how each day,
   With each passing moment,
   I picture you nearby,
   Looking at me disappointed,
   From all the lies I’ve built to save myself.
   Upset, that I’ve become so closed,
   Hardly letting people in.
4.  I wish I could let you in,
   On how you make me feel,
   Because it’s crazy,
   How much I crave you,
   And your presence.
   How much, just, talking to you,
   Changes an otherwise “Alive” day,
   To one where I feel content.
5. I will withstand anything for you,
   Even your own cruel words,
   Directed at me,
   I will take it all,
   But I won’t let you be,
   The next him.

I may never be able to say these things out loud,
I may never be able to say them to your faces,
But I can write,
It’s what I’m good at,
(Or well I hope to be),
and so I write because I feel the need,
to be able to say this,
In some way at least.