Here’s My Advice, Don’t Give Advice

Why?  Why do it? 

You may even have a very important experience in whatever the problem is that so-and-so is asking Advice about.  Don’t do it!!

What I’ve found is that the advice won’t be taken and not because another alternative has been used.

The person with the problem, situation, event, or whatever it is really isn’t interested in your advice, they are interested in your interest.  They need someone to explain the whatever to, someone that will hopefully be sympathetic with them.

But your advice…..to give it would have been a waste of breath!  A waste of time!  You can’t get either back!

What about this. You give someone advice and the whole situation blows up into a worse disaster than they had at the start!!

They now enter the arena of ‘hopelessness’! Ugh! And you were their guide. They still have to deal somehow with their ‘whatever it is’ and now, you want them to forgive you and forgiving you is the last thing on their mind.

Been there, do that, bought the T-shirt.

So what are you to do ‘Dear Abbey’?

You’re not getting out of the part of listening, especially if this a real good friend you have a history with.

Just listen, listen good….they may tell you something important that you can refer them back to. You see, it’s their own words. Can’t blame you, you’re just listening.

Okay, you’ve done that and they are desperate and persistent. Now what?

The advice that you do give (should you find yourself at that point) can be very helpful. Helpful because the answer, the best answer available is in them.

The Best Advice is……

Give them an analogy as to how you worked your way thru their dilemma. Be thoughtful, and show your concern. Help them to realize that they hold the key, encourage them to be strong.

I found the weirdest way to handle some of my problems. You see I realize that the Solution I am seeking isn’t at hand. It’s possibly out of my present time.

I remember watching, I think it was “Back To The Future III” Marty was fleeing the Indians and found a cave to hide in until they had left. When they did, the car wouldn’t start (you remember, the Lamborghini)! An arrow shot by one of the Indians had hit his fuel tank, punctured and drained all the gasoline.

He went searching for Doc Brown who set up home in the Wild, Wild West. Long story short….the solution to Marty’s problem wasn’t available for some time in the future.

I see some of my problems, situations, events, ‘whatevers’ in that the answer I want isn’t available at my present moment.

My next thing is; does this need a solution now! And does it require a permanent solution or will a temporary solution be of use.

I’ve tried explain to some burdened friend my view of problem solutions. That one has never grown legs with anyone.

And, I have no other advice!!

With all that said…..

Here’s my advice, don’t give advice.

Peace, love, and beaches,

John

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