Good evening all...hope you're all doing better than ever. I truly apologize for the recent lack of activity. I've had writer's block for such a long time.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again...I really really gotta start relying more on God.
I recently said goodbye to some old friends. My relationships with them were toxic. I was constantly hurting, but gave them endless chances and was numb to the apologies. You might be asking why I stayed friends with these people for so long anyways. I suppose that in my head, the good outweighed the bad. However, in reality, it took a lot of pain before I let go. I used to go to both of them when I wasn't feeling okay, and I can now see that I should have went to God first. Reliance can be tricky to understand, and I wasn't using it correctly.
As a 17 year old, I'm extremely independent. My Depression, however, makes me quite dependent. Especially on my mom and some other close friends. It can be easy to say that I want to do it all on my own. But that isn't realistic. God has placed some amazing people in my life. We've been put into the family of Christ with the purpose to love and serve each other. And that's great...as long as we are helping in the right way.
It's okay to admit you need help. But when you're getting the wrong kind, don't be afraid to look to God. I've learned the hard way that I can't be my own Hero. And there's a lot of people who can't help me either. But that's okay, because I am saved by the Ultimate Hero. Jesus Christ. Without Him, I'd be nothing.
The past few days, it's as if I can feel my depression lurking nearby. I wouldn't be surprised if it came around again...my handful of "good months" are coming to a close. However, I'm ready to fight. With Christ, I am ready to conquer yet another round of darkness.
For I cannot save myself,
Marissa Mayer
