So it’s been quite a while since I’ve written a relationship post, and with Love in the air I thought I’d write a little something about what I’ve learnt about love over the recent months because I’ve learnt A LOT. I hope some of this stuff is relatable, and if its not, share your personal views and opinions in the comment section. I love hearing and learning from you guys.
Love is a choice – I was recently on a road trip with some of my cousins and their dad, who happens to be someone I very much look up to, and we were having a conversation about love and what it is at its core. After a philosophical debate and airing our various opinions, my uncle – who has been married to my aunt for over 20 years – summarized it into 4 words. Love is a choice. It’s not a helpless obsession or feeling in your gut – those feelings come and go. Loving someone is making a choice every single day to be there for them and share yourself and your life. It’s a decision to work on your relationship when it is good and when it isn’t. It’s being there when they are happy and when they are sad, when they are caring and when they are selfish, and most importantly, when you are ‘in love’ and when you aren’t.
Love is work – This is something we ALWAYS hear from pretty much everyone who ever talks about relationships. And it is 100% true. Love requires work, and A LOT of it. But what I’ve come to realize is that 90% of that work is working on YOURSELF. And let me tell you, that work is the HARD work. A relationship, especially a productive one, will push insecurities and weaknesses that you had been ignoring right in your face and force you to deal with them for your own good and the good of the relationship. For me, the one that slapped me in the face the hardest was learning to communicate. I mean I knew I was bad at it but OH MY GOSH I was waaayyyyyy worse at it than I thought. Mostly because I usually just don’t communicate at all. And while it’s has been a big challenge to get over that and improve, it has also been super rewarding. And that’s the best part about trudging through the work of it all; if you have a supportive partner, you end up with not only a better relationship, but an even better you. And that to me makes it all worthwhile.
Love requires forgiveness – This one was a lot harder for me to come to terms with than I expected. Forgiving is hard. When you give your heart to someone, you expect for them not to hurt it. And when they do, you question their love for you and whether they deserve to have your heart at all. But the reality of the situation is that the person that you love WILL hurt you. And they will probably hurt you badly and on multiple occasions. What’s important is that you examine their motives when they dohurt you. If they are purposefully hurting you or crossing lines that you made clear were not to be crossed, then I say run for the hills and don’t look back. But if you truly believe they hurt you unknowingly (as they will do a lot) or made an honest mistake, maybe they are worth another chance. And as painful or as challenging as it may be, you are going to have to find a way to forgive them and open yourself up to them again if you want a lasting relationship. It is super hard, but in my experience, it does get easier over time.
Love is accepting someone as they are – I have to say that I (along with many women) have really had a hard time with this. I’m a Taurus so I am crazy stubborn and I like things to be done the way I feel they should be done. More so, I’m a hopeless romantic who was obsessed with instagram ‘relationship gurus’ like Horatio Jones (if you follow him, please please please do yourself a favour and take his advice with a pinch of salt). The result is that I had all these crazy and unrealistic expectations about how a man should be and behave. So when I got into a relationship, I expected him to live up to my COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC expectations. And when he didn’t, I was hurt. I mean did he refuse to hold my hand in public and ‘claim me’ because he didn’t love me? And why wasn’t he as affectionate as I was. Clearly I didn’t mean anything to him, right? Sooooo wrong. I have learnt THE HARD WAY that a huge part of love is learning about your significant other and accepting them as they are. They may not cuddle you every 5 minutes but they might buy your flowers every week instead. People are unique. They have different love languages, different ways of dealing with conflict, and various mannerisms that can only be learnt with time. When you stop looking at him/her through the lens of your expectations, you begin to see them and all their positive attributes all the more clearly.
Love is magical– I love love. It is exhilarating and confusing and fun and comforting and truly magical. It’s amazing to have someone who knows you in a way that nobody does and appreciates you for just being you. More so it’s so special to be a part of someone’s life story and have the opportunity to support and help them grow. And MOST IMPORTANTLY it is the best thing in the world to have someone who you can cuddle with. Yes people, my name is Melissa and I’m a cuddling addict.
So all in all what I’ve learnt about love is that it is hard and challenging, but is honestly the most rewarding and fulfilling experience you’ll ever have. As I said above, if you have a differing opinion or if you agree with me, let me know in the comment section below.
Until Next Time,
A Loving Taurus