If I ever get hitched, I’d like a destination Wedding. This way, I don’t have to invite my 40 cousins, their spouses, and their spawn. Also, my Malaysian grand uncle’s Singapore-based spawn who is a property agent and who never fails to do a sales pitch at the family reunion every Chinese New Year. There is also the spawn of my late grandma’s “sworn sister” who climbed onto the same slow boat with her that came from China to Singapore almost a century ago and whom I wouldn’t recognize on the street if I came across them. Then again, my uncle who knows where to find them is now suffering dementia so maybe they’ll not get invited.

The current location I’d like to hold my Destination Wedding is the Lake District in the UK. There will be a church wedding and then a small Reception at one of the small cosy hotels in Grasmere that will hold 30 guests comfortably in their dining room. Alternatively, if I can get the permits to pitch a white tent at Castlerigg, the ceremony and the reception can both be held there. And no, not that Laura Ashley hotel please.

The lunch reception will be 4 courses. Fresh cherry or peach sorbet sitting on a thin layer of Grasmere gingerbread might do nicely, maybe a mushroom bisque, quail done two ways and a salad featuring slivers of black pudding and/or crumbled hard boiled salted egg.

The groom should be preferably wearing a business Suit and not a morning suit. I don’t like those flappy coattails. He’s more than welcome to put on a Roman suit of armour. Then I can just wrap myself with a white bed-sheet and pin it all together with safety pins in appropriate spots about my person and stick a huge broach on each shoulder.

The dress …. actually, I don’t know. Maybe something medieval or something just modern and understated.

Also, I’d like to do that loud Chinese toast at the end of the reception which has all the men and some ladies yelling “yum seng” at the top of their voices, dragging out the “yum” for as long as they can.

My relatives can come along of course if they want to make a trip out of it but the older ones will soon realize that they need to get on a long plane ride, then find a way to get from Manchester or London (where the international airports are) to the Lake District, and that they’re not going to eat rice for at least a week. Some of the younger ones will realize that there is little to no shopping to be done at the Lake District.

First posted on Quora as my answer to How do you want your wedding day to be?