As some of you may know, my mental health has taken a decline. Whilst the majority of it is caused by my physical Symptoms of Perimenopause, I’ve always had anxiety left over from an emotionally abusive relationship from years ago. I have come to terms with the latter but it’s hard moving forward with the affects of peri. 

Last night I decided to try something. 

Yes, I went outside. I know this isn’t a big thing for many people but I find it hard. Why? Well I get terrible joint and muscle pain. This makes me walk slower and I feel vulnerable. The anxiety stems from that. 

Recently, after having suicidal feelings and having a talk with my mum and sister, it hit me. Why should I hide how I am? I’m right where I’m supposed to be. This is what was meant for me and there is a reason for it. 

So I’m 42 and Hormones are causing chaos for me. Time to find a way to adapt and deal with it. It’s clearly going to be a while before doctors agree to start me on HRT and I can’t stay locked away until then. I don’t see HRT as the resolution to all my problems. I see it as something I need to replenish my hormones. Nothing else. It’s not going to be a quick fix or solve everything. Like most medications, it will take care of some symptoms and maybe take the edge off others. The rest is down to me. It’s that simple. 

What gets me is some people feel that exercise and diet is the answer to everything. Yes it certainly helps in some ways but it’s not going to replace the hormones I’m missing. I have lost 3 and a half stone after completely overhauling my diet. I also do seated Yoga as my sinus inflammation and my joint pain doesn’t allow me to do regular yoga. I also do 5 minutes meditation first thing in the morning and before I go to sleep. I take a multivitamin too. So all the alternatives recommended by the NHS, I’ve tried them. I just wish people would see that I have tried things. Just because I’m not out and about doesn’t mean I’m not trying! 

I am grateful for the support (and some of the advice shared) but I am me - hormonal, anxious, overweight - I’m awesome!