How does it feel like to be consistently living under the roofs of a traditional mindset. The feel of misfits not to the society's standard, but to the eyes of a seem-fully loving parents. I knew it all along, all they have to do is to show their support for a girl with no other interests and lifestyles but music. No doubt I went over their back, spent my last saved dime to purchase a $168 Ticket for Queen Concert. Mom was extremely unsupportive, well in her defense she's trying to protect me from harm. And for credibility, she did her part.

After the delightful event, came fear. For dad would spam call me countless times asking where the hell am I. Luckily he didn't knocked when I came home. It's even scarier to always predict and picture the worst before it hits.

I've never screamed so hard in my entire life. Two consecutive times today, when one was at mom which I later apologize for my rude behaviour. The other was at dad, now I know this doesn't end well when I stormed into my room and all I heard was him screaming "im gonna send her to the hospital." God knows how hard my mind and hands were shaking, trembling for fear that history really repeat itself. First of all, preventable. Second of all, all I wanted was him to ask "oh girl how was the concert, did you enjoy yourself?" Of course I've figured out that mom blathered and told him about the cheating tickets. I was crying yesterday when I found out that I was cheated with the tickets. All my fault for trying to save that $68 and go for unknown seller whom claimed he had the tickets and is selling at a discounted price. It was my first concert! How do I expect such chesters happened such a joyous event. Then the crying happened when the second Caucasian was selling me at $150. Listen I panicked, without fluxotine and some calming pills I panicked. I blame myself for trusting homosapiens, for God had once or tremendous times taught me to art of cheating and never trust anyone. Not even my family members.  

Mistakes were made, mom nagged the first time, I do not need a second reminder.

It's kinda paranoid when they associate my screaming voice with recovery, they thought depression and other you know what symptoms was back. Just for a freaking scream? Perhaps dad was an egoistic person, his mom aka my grandma was sitting at the living room when this happened. Picturing myself in this case, fast forward 30 years time, when my kids were screaming at me like this situation. I too will get angry.

But the situation could change, fast forward 20 years when my kids wanted something badly. I'm gonna give my fullest support and unlimited attention, happily asking "hey how did it go!"

"Did you take some photos? Please show me and I hope you're in the picture with the band. "

"Oh darling did you had his autograph? Cool!"

"I remember the days when I had my first concert, it was great!"

"I managed to mingle my way to the front row, even though the sound system was blasting my ears, I was damn glad I managed to catch a glimpse of Brian and Roger drumming and guitaring they way."

"The were so old at that time! When Brian played the song bring him back, referring to the late Freddie Mercury, your mama was weeping endlessly."

"Yes I am weak haha"

"There's something you got to know kids, whatever you do, please keep in mind that your mama loves you"

Learn to love. Do not be like your grandparents. Be soft and gentle but help one another. Give to the society for they will provide something back to you, teach your grandparents patience and kindness. Shower them with love every night when they sing you to bed. Mama's gonna teach you everything she'd lived for. 

We should not learn how to hate each other. Charlie Chaplin said once that we should help one another— Jew, gentile, black man, white. We want to live by each other's happiness,- not by each other misery. I've learned so much at the concert, not the song lyrics but the human spirits. All different countries united as one to witness the great moment Freddie Mercury created history. They people surrounding me in the crowd was the ones who offered a space, for they know my height isn't up to standard and those tall drunk Caucasians were in front of me. I was greatly touched by them. No matter how painful or swollen my thighs and knees get from hours of standing, it's worth it. We learned to take care of one another, in this case strangers whom were standing behind, beside, in front me. All of us were sharing bottles of water because it gets heated from squashing. This woman from UK was offering us almonds and sweets to keep our blood sugar level up, she's in her 40s and still killing it. 

Isn't this how humans and the future generation should live up to? And not greed that has poisoned men's souls. The Malay family who horded the front row and kicked, pushed whoever standing at their spot. Because of their greed, they never get to the center front, they were pushed back by hardcore fans or should I say god's power. And I on the other hand, somehow managed to snap great photos because of the people surrounding me, if not for them, I too would've been squashed to the back of the line. Thank you strangers. 

Crying is not a sign of weakness. In my defense, men and women cry because they feel so much. "We think too much, feel too little". Maybe people like to associate crying with stupidity, like yesterday when all my hopes for the Queen Concert almost died when I can't get a ticket, it might come out to me as stupidity. I can't keep calm and think of a resolution, instead stubbornness got the best of me because I kept insisting on getting in for the concert. Mom was the one who thought of solutions, "lets just buy the ticket at the ticketing counter, a little bit more is fine. Whatever it takes to get to the show". I love you mother. 

There's more behavioral awareness to come. I've got to keep control of my temper before it take its toll.