You would think I’d be used to it by now.

I’ve dropped off  my daughters for the first time at daycare; watched them get on the school bus for the first time; dropped them off at college, and given them away as the father of the bride. I’ve seen them head out of the country, and traveled with them to distant parts of the country only to leave them behind as they settled in on a new chapter of their lives!

So many times that you would think it would get easier.......but it doesn’t.  It still tugs at my heart and brings a tear to my eye.

Article II of the Father of Daughters code strictly states that you are their protector. (Article I is about unconditional love.) The underlying corollary to Article II is that no one else is capable of protecting them the way you can. No one - teachers, coaches, chaperones, even fiancés or husbands - will never watch over them the way you do. Which is, of course, patently ridiculous. Those collective experiences - where they have been handed over to the care of someone else (and returned unscathed) - has only served to make them into the strong, confident women/people they are today. And they/we are blessed to have two men of great character join our family as husbands and fathers. 

And yet, I still struggle...

Then it dawned on me...the struggle is really about me as much as it is about them.  It stems from a fear of what a colleague and I call "ubiquitous irrelevancy."  Sure, part of it is leaving them behind and/or letting them go and the emotions associated with those life stages.  But another part of it stems from a fear of becoming irrelevant; of not being needed.  So along with my heart being tugged, my ego is getting bruised. 

But then the phone will ring or a text message will appear, and I am reminded that their need for me has not lessened, it has changed.  The questions, the conversations, the answers are different now.  "How do I fill out the W-4?"  "How do I decide what mutual fund to select?"  "Can you help me with my taxes?"  "Listen to what happened at work today!"  "I'm thinking about applying for a new job." 

I am also reminded that my role as father has expanded.  The calls and text messages arrive from the other half of the Fe'Lincoln siblings as well, and they are as welcomed and reassuring to my heart and ego as the contacts from my three daughters. 

So as I sit here waiting to board the flight home, content in my new level of  understanding.... anticipating the next call or text.  The lump in my throat has abated, the tears in my eyes have dried, and the bruise on my ego has healed...until the next time I have to let one of them go!