Everything has a song. Especially when you feel, well... in love.
Looking back, It seemed kinda weird how you can be so into a song, that really speaks your soul, deep within those emotions, music comforts you in some strange way.
But this story is not like a song, I hoped someday it will, but then again, it was just a melody covered in hypnotic rhythm to make you feel better... for a while.
| The boyfriend, the pretty girl, and well the nerd me. |
She was too good to be true, pretty, humble and fun to be with, and some other good stuff I could think off.
I actually known her for quite some time since I entered my sophomore year in college, but we were never that close. Not until we got involved into a group project in class.
Since then, it was a start of what I call a "cloud 9" of inspiration.
But, like any good song, there is a catch.
She has a boyfriend, which happens to be my friend. Even though I know that this was hard rock fact. It did not stop me from, slowly, falling in love with her. There is something about her that I like, She was so nice to me, (a bit clingy and touchy) she would hold my hand, grab my arm, sleep in my shoulders, little acts that would... I assume a gesture of affection. I have no girlfriend that time, and she was the only one around that has my attention.
I did not entertain this acts and just kept my cool, maybe she was just nice, and her boyfriend was my friend, so that is a big NO.
Maybe if I waited, like the song by Elliot Yamin's "Baby I'll wait for you"
Yeah, that hit the soft spot right there. There is hope.
Casually we grew fond of each other. Whenever we have free time, the 3 of us hang out. A LOT. Whenever they have a misunderstanding (which I very much hated because I get caught up) I'm the referee. I listened to her rants, I gave my contradicting and lame advice. (AND THE WORST PART IS) I also need to talk to him to fix things up.
(which actually sucks and ridiculously stupid)
...and then Jesse McCartney threw in this song.
"Just so you know." Accompanied by that music video: bulls eye.
| are they gonna kiss? I hope they will... |
I just loved the song, and how the video was created, dang!
Fuck that song, now I have this urging feeling to tell her how I feel, that could ruin everything, my friendship with his guy, her trust, everything.
I imagine her, hugging me, leaving the guy, and we run away to the unknown wow. That would be nice.
So I was into love songs, that every time I heard something to the radio. I could freakishly relate.
Like this one time a song played in the cafeteria:
While we were having lunch: The Speaks version of Bizarre Love Triangle: It was just euphoria of deep gutted untold love, that is waiting to burst.
I could not even concentrate in my classes, even in my daily duties.
I got sloppy at my work. I was lost in this fucked up emotional trauma in my love song fantasy.
At the end, I did not told her what I felt. I decided to stop listening to make up lyrics and focus on my life and my own dreams. I kept on thinking, this would be all over soon. It was just an infatuation, since she was the only one around giving me that "special-kind-of attention." She was just.. genuinely nice.
Then one fucking evening before the semester is over, she had a crisis. She was lonely and in tears.
I was there.
I kissed her,
she kissed me back.
It was short...
It was... nice..
It was the end.
There were no sparks, there were no fireworks. I felt well.. nothing.
Not even a heart beat skipping.
This is not what I expect.
(or I watched too much Hollywood chick flicks)
She said sorry. I said it's fine. I tucked her in bed.
I left without saying goodbye.
Went home like nothing happened.
After that, we just drifted apart.
Now I realized that it was all just a fantasy.
I never pictured her as my wife, I never even thought of us living together and having a wonderful life until we grow old. It was not love, It was just... nice.
Music are still playing, although our lives are now different.
Looking back I'm thankful I did not followed may raging hormones and high emotional drama.
It was not easy, but I managed. I avoided a huge mistake in my life.
Now, I have written my own song.
I have someone who is weirder than me, and would skin me alive because she missed me and wear my skin high and proud. That is a bit creepy, but I hope you got my point.
Cheers!
Just for the comments:
Do you have an all time favorite song you can relate your past... love?
