RE: My Rant Tweets

Malamang pagsisihan ko itong post na ito sa future.
Pero ngayon kailangan ko lang talagang ilabas lahat ng nasa loob ko, kung di ko to gagawin tang ina sasabog ako.

Alam mo yung akala mo okay ka na, yung tipong everything is going quite well naman. This holiday has been the worst for me. Ilang beses akong ng spiral into depression. Pinipilit kong maging okay. I baked cheese cake nga para yung bad thoughts would go away to keep me busy.

I spent Christmas alone with a severe headache. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. First time kong makaranas ng ganung klaseng sakit na iiyak ka nalang kasi wala kang magawa. Tinulog ko lang yung pasko.

Kung hindi dahil kay Jamille, to keep me sane I would have ended it there and there.
Kung hindi nya ako pinilit na pumunta sa bahay ng mga pinsan ko to celebrate kahit tapos na ang pasko, hindi ako aalis ng bahay.

Unti unti, nakaka bounce back na ako eh, pero grabe ang taas ng level ng anxiety ko ngayong araw.

Bakit?

Tang ina naman kasi, nangyari ang lahat ng ito nung nag greet yung bestfriend ni Arianne na si Marianne ng Christmas Greeting sa akin.

Marianne has been our "common friend" for sometime we became full time support system during her treatment, She's battling this tumor in her brain and now she's recovering. Hopefully she will be alright. She was so stressed dahil sa pag post ko nung binigay nyang convo. I broke her trust. Sorry.

So I sent her a photo of me and Jamille, told her na I'm now in love, happy and okay. So hopefully maging okay narin sya sa pinagdadaanan nyang sakit. She asked naman if she can send it to Arianne. Sabi ko okay lang. wala naman akong pake.

Sabi nya din kasi it would give Arianne a piece of mind knowing na okay ako.

There.

I was thinking na, its okay lang. No harm right? WRONG!

First Jamille got mad. Bakit ko daw kailangan gawin yun. I don't have to prove anything to anyone naman.

Tama naman sya. Tanga ko kasi.

Pangalawa. Arianne's reaction threw me off.

She said na she feels safe, hindi na sya matatakot sa akin.

Parang WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

Ano ba yun? Am I a THREAT? Ganun ba ako kasamang tao, na constantly she's in fear of me? All this fucking time?

Hay grabe. Galit na galit ako. Sobra parang I don't deserve this! After everything that I did and went through!

Naging mapang unawa ako, inintindi ko lahat at prinotektahan ko yung sya sa lahat ng kaibigan, pamilya at kakilala namin.

Ayaw ko syang masira. Tinago ko yun. Hindi ko sinabi totoong dahilan kung bakit kami naghiwalay.

Ako pa masama? AKO PA! TAKOT KA?

Konsensya mo yan, GUILT MO YAN, wala akong kinalaman sa nararamdaman mo namo ka!

I deserve RESPECT!

Sasabihin ko na totoong dahilan, ayoko na itago kasi kinakain ako sa loob, nasusuka ako kapag naiisip ko at hindi ko alam kung pano ito mawawala.

(I wrote a nobela on why we ended things pero super anghang ng mga salitang na type ko na nung binasa ko ulit... hindi sya maganda. She cheated on me more than once. I'll end my blog with that)

This post first appeared on Dwill's Break, please read the originial post: here