I have been single for a very long time. I broke up with my last "real" boyfriend almost 5 years ago, not even bothering to count the guys in between, most of who's names I can't even recall. I became very comfortable in my role as the single girl in the group, watching as more and more of my friends got engaged and eventually Married. Recently my single life has ended, and the mass exodus of people I know into relationship-ville has continued. What I uncovered during this is something I refer to as "The Great Couple Debate."
My pool of friends is vast and varied - people I've gone to high school or college with, co-workers past and present, ex-boyfriends, and other random friends and acquaintances. No matter how I came to know you, if I consider you my friend, you have my loyalty and friendship until you choose to end it. This does not mean, however, that the person you have chosen to spend your life with is automatically added to my friendship waters. And this is where the troubles begin...
A friend of mine from college got married less than six months ago. He lives a few hours from me with his wife, someone I've personally encountered maybe four times since they began dating a few years ago. A week or so ago another friend from college emailed a group of us asking when we could all get together. All of his responses were in the plural - indicating when he and his wife were available. What boggled me about this was that his wife was not cc'd on the emails and, I thought, not invited.
Now, I understand that in many cases society dictates an invite to one implies an invitation to their significant other. Perhaps I've been single too long, but I've never been one to follow this logic. I did not assume that my boyfriend would be in attendance at this reunion, never mind even invited. These are my friends, and I find it important that I have my own life outside of him. I am almost annoyed at the thought of having to incorporate someone I don't know at all into my circle simply because they have married my friend.
This is not an isolated incident though. Another good friend of mine has basically up and disappeared now that he's gotten married. When I do get him to commit to an event, even just to swing by to help me for 5 minutes, his wife is in tow. Why does the addition of a love mean a required addition to the friendship?