Helloo!

Thus begins my escape to the blogging world, where I voice out my inner most thoughts to anyone and everyone who's looking for something to read!

A more humbled me experienced quite an emotional roller coaster since the last post. It was officially the start of a new semester even though i couldn't find my lecture (turns out i didn't have one) also the month of Black History, Nigerian Independence and my dear mother's birthday who would've turned 47 yesterday. It was also a day in which i experienced my first panic attack of the month, which of course you can imagine was a joyous occasion(!).
If I've learned anything within the past month, it would be that (1) you can never rely on anyone, sometimes even yourself (depending on the situation). (2) The term "family" is completely bullsh*t (3) I've developed an unhealthy obsession with Rihanna.
I guess the one that would strike you the most, for those of you who may or may not know me, is the second one: Family.
When you're a child "family" is just those people you happen to live with, that also happen to share the same bloodline (including that annoying auntie who is of no relation to you whatsoever). As you get older (whilst still being forced to attend family gatherings) those "aunties" and "uncles" who used to visit your parents all the time and bring boxes of Quality Street (cos they were too stingy to get Celebrations or just give you the money) just kinda disappear don't they?
In my particular case, these strange disappearances started to happen shortly after my mums death, which at that time i was only 15 so i didn't really get it, or care for it either. I was one of the 'out of control' teens after my mum passed away, i hated everyone and everything, i just held so much anger in me. Of course like anything that has that amount of pressure building up in it, i exploded, verbally. Ever had one of those outbursts in which its just word vomit spillaging out at someone insignificant? Yeah that was me except that "insignificant someone" just happened to be my dad.

Ahh the plot thickens! Anyways to cut an extremely long story short, my father and i have always had a dodgy relationship, maybe cos he's not my real father and i only found out (through my mum's sister) a couple of months after my mum died, so I've always subconsciously felt like he holds some kind of resentment towards me OR cos i was never really a daddy's girl. Who knows? :)
However i will always have that respect for him cos he took on another mans child, it takes A LOT to do something like that and i studied psychology so i would know.
As far as our "relationship" is concerned i believe that to be well and truly over, it has reached its final tether in these past couple of months and like Cher's career, there's no reviving it.

So where does 'A More Humbled Me' come in, you may wonder. Well my enlightened reader, it doesn't. I decided a couple of months ago to be more in touch with my spiritual side, my spiritual side being God and in the bible it says you must humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up (James 4:10). Humility is not something you see often in people today and after watching Rihanna's interview with Oprah, it opened me up to something i don't think anyone really thought they'd see in an artist like Rihanna, the ability to be humble.
What did that teach me? Life is a BITCH unless you're good to her. Emotional wounds always take longer to heal but if you humble yourself, it makes the journey to self healing that much more easier.