I have been procrastinating whether or not to blog about this part of my life. This is also one of the most bitter part of my life that I rather not went through. Still, this makes up my life right. Life is not about a bed of roses.

Many people will have think that involving in bad company will also means revolving around woman and sex. Well, it was true to many but definitely untrue for me. Who do not like to have pretty girlfriends? I have my fair share of fantasy about this as well. To be honest, I did not really have a steady relationship before.

This is the place that I know her. This was the flight of stairs. (photo taken from http://puffyrazzi.blogspot.com)

Pager ~ the tech of our days. (Photo from alibaba.com)

Somewhere near August 1994, it was just like a normal day. A day where I spent with my buddies Junqiang and Sammy (deceased) . We were loitering around Marina Square around 8-9pm. All of a sudden, I noticed 3 cute and appealing girls just down the flight of stairs. Coincidentally, we were also in a group of 3. We were interested in knowing them. We chose among ourselves which girl we want to target and we set for it. We just approached them and started talking to them They seems no interest in us. We just continue to "pester" around them and finally managed to convince them to give us their contact (it was pager) number. I still remember I was holding on to a new model Pager which will enable me to store numbers. I flashed it out while she read out her number in "awe". We talked for a moment and then we went separately as its getting late.

Back at home, I was very mesmerized by her. My buddies do not consider her a real beauty compared to their choice, but she was all I could think of. Without my buddies around, I did not have the courage to even call her. Though it was late into the night, the urge to hear her voice overcame my fear. I plucked out my courage to "page" her. I was waiting and waiting for her to return call. Finally, the phone rings and it was her. We talked and talked for hours. Suddenly, my life was just like revolving around her. She was always on my thoughts.

This went on for a few nights (can't really remember how long). Finally, I decided to ask the golden question. Will you be my stead? I asked her and she says she will consider. She said it could be a good news, if not a bad one. As I was going for a basketball training, she told me she will "page" me her answer later. How to "page" an answer. In those day, we did not have a mobile phone that we can freely call and talk to. Having a pager was already a "wow" to many. Yes, a pager can talk. If she page with a return number "170", it means "NO" and naturally "017" will means "ON". This was the Da Vinci code of my generation. The night was especially slow. I was constantly peeping at my pager during training. Finally, I heard my pager beeped. I rushed over to see. It was a 017. I exclaimed in joy. That night, we started. I was finally in a relationship.

• 5121314
• 1-177155-4
• 6009-9
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As a new couple, we were in our honeymoon period. I will shower all my love and care for her, giving her the best that I could afford. We were in our heavenly world. As she came from a complicated family, her education was also affected. She was working in a factory when I knew her. Actually, she has been shouldering for her family since 14 years old. Her highest education was barely PSLE. I encouraged her to continue studying and even offer to help her pay her fees as I was working and earning well. She enrolled into a night class and I will wait for her to finish her lesson. Things were going on well until a few months later. She skipped class and kept mum about it. In one occasion, I went to her school to fetch her in a bid to give her a surprise. I was surprised instead. She was nowhere to be seen. A check with her classmates revealed that she had been absent for the past few lessons. I was shocked. She lied to me. I lost my emotion and control and begin calling her best friend. I was frantically insane at that time.

Finally, one of her best friends divulged to me and tell me "if I love her, let her go". What was that? All the while I thought we were ok but why the sudden change? She told me where I could find her. I stomped to the place near Bugis to find her. I combed a few streets literally inch by inch in a bid to find her. Finally, I found her. she told me she have another boyfriend but maintain that she still love me. We struggled a little in the street. I couldn't accept what she told me. Really, at that point of time, I just feel that the whole world is crashing down on me. I spoke the irrevocable word "Lets break". I still remember very vividly that night that I shunned her away and walked off. I don't know what to do. I felt totally alone. I questioned myself was I at fault? Did I do anything wrong and stuff like that. I called my buddies and told them what happened. Though it was late in the night, they still make their way to my house to be with me and consoled me.

Of course, we did not patch back after all. It took me a while to get back onto my lively self. I was drunk almost every night. Marlboro and beer was my true friend. They accompanied me during my darkest moments. What happened had happened. I was made a cuckold. I know it takes two hands to clap. I may have faults which I didn't know too. Anyway, I have already put it behind me and I even managed to contact her after more than 10 years.


My reflection: Hurt is a very difficult wound to be healed. It pains your Love one to see you hurting as well. Indulging in beer and cigarette can only blur your vision. The reality still stands. I will like to encourage those who was hurt to bravely face the reality. On then, you can get back to reality.

Continue to follow my blog. More will be revealed as I progressed onto the journey. I will be blogging on my next love in my next post. It will be more titanic.


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