10 out of 10 guessed I have affair owing to the recent business success such as Expressprint, Coffee Nowhere, Setanapp, etc...

No, you made a wrong guess. Not all men starts affair when they became rich and affluent. At least this does not apply to me. If you have followed my blog or Facebook, you will realize that in fact, I am a very boring person. My schedule is work - home - sleep (repeat) for over 4000 days in the marriage. 

I am not born rich. My wife choose to be with me and suffer with me in the beginning when I have nothing PLUS a surprise bonus of debts (yes, I kept my debts from her). Still, she continued to encourage me, scrimp and save on every possibility, and standing by me. She married me when she is just 18 and I am 22. Her parents objected but relented on her persistent. We married on 08.08.2001. 

In this marriage, she gave up her life to serve the household, taking care of the chores and wonderfully bringing up the 3 kids. No complain, no grumbling. While me, always busy with work. I admit I overworked. I neglected her and the family. That's the effect of inner vows I made. I vowed to give her the best, not allowing her to suffer with me, bringing abundance of wealth. I want the entire situation to be reversed. I worked my heart, with all the strength and energy I can gather to achieve it. I am blinded by success and objective. Overboarded!

And yet, in those years where my career rocketed, she remain faithful to me, waiting patiently at home for my return from work. Really, she have no complain. This is how caring and committed she was. But in return, she got back an always angry man, unappreciated and hot tempered. I was repeatedly reminded by my in-laws and my family member but turned a deaf ears to it. I guess I became overly proud that my vow is realising. I thought money can give and buy her happiness. I can finally show those who despised her in her choice to be with me that she is right about me. Instead of reciprocating her Love for me with love, it became a challenging environment for me. I yearned for success, more success and became overly obsessed with it. 

No. I am wrong. Totally wrong. She doesn't want my success and money. In fact, the higher I climb, she loses more security in me. Like what Dr AR Bernard says, woman only require 3 things from a man which most man struggles in life "decisiveness, consistency and strength.” (Read more here)

Decisiveness in a man brings security and assurance to the heart of the woman that follows him, Bernard explained. A reasonable degree of consistency would give the wife security and strength that is demonstrated in his gentleness gives the same security.

I failed in all these. I gave her no security at all. Her love for me went into the red and yet I did not notice.

July 2012, we have a heated argument and in a fit of anger, I asked for divorce which I have no intention to. She agreed  and leave almost immediately. There was no turning back since then. I regretted my action. I wanted to win her back. Tried all forms of methods. All do not work. After 1 year plus of tries, she maintained her decision on divorce. The pain is so unbearable to me. At one point of time, i slipped into depression, considered suicide, etc... after prolonged period and counseling sessions, I accepted reality and guess, it's time to let her go. This could be the best gift I ever give her "freedom". It is an amicable divorce. She wanted only her portion of shares in the house and I will take custody of the 3 kids. And I know that I know that I know, having these kids with me could mean the end of any new possible relationship. That's beside the point, I want her to be free of all and hopefully she can find happiness thereafter. 

It's time to move on. When a guy have some form of success (plus I do not look that bad? ), it naturally attracted a lot of women. In fact, I met a lot. During these period of time, I rejected and refused many new possible relationships. I just wanted to stay faithful to her till the last day of our relationship. 

23 July 2014 was the day the court approved of our divorce followed by 3 months of cooling period before officially "done". I am glad and proud to say that, I did it. During the entire tenure of marriage, I remained faithful and truthful to her alone.

Now, it's time to move on. I made countless mistakes in the marriage before. I am not perfect neither is she. We never get married with the intention to divorce. I am glad that this entire journey ended in peace and mutually respected agreements. 

I have matured and grown. I learn a great deal. I am also thankful to the pastors and friends who sacrifice their time to be with me. I will like to specially mention, Ps Yock Kiang, Ps Kenneth, Ryan, Daniel, Gwen, Shane, James, Genecia, Darryl and many more friends who helped me in one way or another. I appreciate it. If without you all, I couldn't have make it till here. Thank you for your continuous trust and encouragement. 

It has been 2 years and it is time to really move on. I had a great relationship which is history. I won't hide and neither will I deny the existence of this relationship before. If my new partner love me, love my past also. Our hope is in the future.  

For guys with similar plight like me, don't despair. I understand the feeling. It seems the world is crushing hard onto you and nothing seems to work. If you love her, continue courting her back, never give up and never stray just because she did not reciprocate. For all you know, it just take 1 second for her to re-accept you. That 1 second is near. 

For my future partner (whoever it may be), thank you for accepting me. I want to let you know you are not a replacement as a mother to my kids or as a life buoy to me. I love you the way you are.

For myself, having a failed relationship with 3 kids doesn't make me a second class citizen. It just means that I accept responsibility and will raise up the kids even as a single parent. I am not ashamed and I will not allow anyone to sympathy my kids. We are already together before you make it into our life. In fact, I should be proud of myself for this. It take courage to move on and even to engage in a new relationship.

I thank God for His grace and mercy. 

Leave me a comment if you will like to share. DO NOT criticize or judge. Remember, when all these happened, you are not there.