A few weeks ago, I was late and decided to take a pregnancy test just for the hell of it.  I even told Bill at the time, I am taking this test but I am sure it will come up negative. 

Well, guess what it was positive!

We were shocked, excited, scared, nervous the whole gamut of emotions.  Were we going to be one of those couples?  You know them, when you go through IVF people tell you about them all the time.  See when the pressure is off you just get pregnant.  Yeah, right, but that is what they all say. 

We decided to try and keep this very low key just in case it all went badly.  I kept telling myself that if I didn't get too excited, and kept the very real possibility of miscarriage on my mind it would be alright. 

I was anxious and nervous all afternoon leading up to my Dr appointment.  When our Dr. came in she was just about as excited as we were, that I was sitting in her office pregnant again at 43. 

We had to go for our ultrasound and then come back to talk with her. It was our same Ultrasound tech that we saw so often when we were expecting the twins.  I could tell by her face right away that something was not okay. 

There was no heartbeat, no blood flow to the baby, it stopped growing probably about two weeks ago. 

I am going to wait a week to see if I naturally miscarry again, if not I will have a D&C next week. 

I told myself in my very Type A way, if I planned for this it wouldn't hurt as much. 

Heartbroken, I am heartbroken. 

I am never doing this again.......