It's been a while but I feel like I should write about what's going on.

I'm the new captain of the Speech and Debate team. I won an English award for achievement in Writing. I just finished 3 exams and I have finals next month. I'm now officially nearsighted and I have the glasses to prove it. I don't think that I'm single anymore, but I don't think that I even know any more. I'm traveling around the country in the summer and I'm also slowly waiting for music camp in July. The sad thing is that I haven't told anyone.

Trust me, I really want to tell people about my life, but whenever I do, I think about how I'm "bothering people" and "how they really won't listen to what I have to say." That probably isn't true, but you never know. Its sad because I seriously, want to share the excitement of my life with someone. I just can't go up to one of my friends and tell them "Hey! Look I achieved my goal! Aren't you excited?". When I say that I usually get the "oh stellar! I'm happy for you." and then nothing else happens. You know how I feel about making new friends right? Its easy for me to make them, but it is hard for me to "keep" them if you know what I mean. Its like the "mask" thing I was taking about earlier. I want to come of as a "nice person" because that is what I am, but I just don't feel like telling people about how things really are.

I'm just so complex. I want to get to know people and be friends and tell them about all of the things I been through. But I never get that far. Then, I never really get close to people and then I rely on myself to be my best friend.

Yeah sure, I'm getting lonely again, and I pretty sure that I'm going to get all "sad and stuff" again and feel bad about how I feel, and how I'll "eventually feel better" when I'm done being sad. I hate being optimistic because when I do things don't happen the way I want them to, but the one time that it did happen, I was happy for a while.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I'm going to give 100% like I always do, or if I might just slip down to the passing 50% to just float by tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't be an introvert and get angry like I did today.