I am an Introvert. It is something I have known about myself for a long time but only recently accepted. Before I read Jonathan Rauch’s article, “Caring for Your Introvert” , I thought I was just shy and weird with about a teaspoon of social skills. I usually feel awkward around extroverts en masse and tend to run in the opposite direction of crowds. Rauch’s article not only enlightened me and helped me to understand myself better, it also provided me with a useful tool.

Around the time that I discovered Rauch’s article I was having a quiet spat with one of my extroverted friends. She was trying to get me to do something outrageous like use my precious lunch hour to go out to eat instead of using it as my usual midday respite. After a little back and forth via e-mail, I added a quote from Rauch to my signature: “…someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person crazy.” After a few days my friend responded via e-mail: “Okay, okay. I get it.” Success!

The conflict between these two personality types is all about energy. The energy that comes from a large group of people will pump up most extroverts, but it will suck out my very essence. I can’t remember the last party I attended. And any get-together that has more than five people (and even with five I’m more comfortable if I know at least two of them personally) is pretty much my limit.

I like to spend time with people I feel comfortable with and that can be someone I just met or have known for some time, but I am never comfortable with fifty people, even if I know each and every one by name. It's just too much. That's why I don't do parties and why I only have a handful of friends. The last full-on family gathering I participated in was spread out over three days and by the end of it all I wanted was to find a nice warm cave to live in…forever. I'm very sensitive to other people's energy. I read it and interpret it. And I will admit that I have been wrong about it in the past, but often I'm not. It is a mix of empathy, intuition and the skills I picked up as a mental health and substance abuse counselor. The combination is a gift that can overwhelm me if I let it.

And then there’s the matter of small talk. I’m better at it at this point in my life than I ever have been…but seriously, how many different ways can you talk about the same weather and complain about the same traffic? I’m really good at long, in depth one-one-one conversations. I like to listen to other people's stories; I like to hear how much alike we all are.

The older I get, the more I accept that being different is also a good thing. During the Fourth of July holiday while all of the extroverts were gathered together in various numbers, I sat on my back porch, which was softly lit by a large citronella candle. I sipped homemade sangria and watched my neighbors put on a booming fireworks show. I felt happy and safe and content.

I think the hardest part about being an introvert is convincing our wonderful, amazing, and loving extrovert family members, friends, and lovers that we really are okay meandering through life without spending time with 50 to 100 of their closest friends. The friend I mentioned earlier loves to coordinate outings and she has attempted to draw me in by asking, “If I had my birthday dinner at such and such place would you come?” As if it is the venue that I am quietly avoiding. She is one of my dearest friends and I absolutely adore her, but I think the next time I get an e-mail from her about dinner out with friends I’m going to paste a quote from Diane Cameron’s article “Happy Introvert Day” into my e-mail signature then hit reply: “No thanks, we don’t want to do anything that involves “we” and “all”; we prefer to visit you, just you and not a dozen other people.”-MBL