I thought hard whether to write a post on this topic. Anyways, am going ahead with it... Its about my first Love. Before I go ahead with this one, I just wanna make one thing clear... Am an extremely a shy person, and not an expert in these kind a stuffs so that you stop wondering why I had not done 'this' or 'that'.
There was this really cute, beautiful girl that I first saw in my college bus in my second year. My seniors called her and it was for the usual Ragging thing that happens in my college. She sat next to me!!! Her cute looks or her innocent talk, I didnt know what it was but I knew I had Fallen for her. I should ve joined my seniors in ragging her. But I didnt... probably felt that would not portray me as a 'nice guy'. But after some time it lukd as if she was enjoying it. My seniors were just flirting with her. I was almost helpless. I could neither join them nor I could start myself as i thought it would appear a bit odd. It was extremely irritating for me to see people proposing to her in the name of ragging. If I had a time machine, these are the times I would love to change. I should ve got acquainted with her more and things might ve turned out differently.
And one fine day I heard from my bus mates that she had moved to hostel. Phewww, I was kind of happy that I need not ve to c these guys flirting with the girl I had probably fallen for!!! But I never knew it wud only distant her even more from me :( I thought ym,gtalk,orkut n fb should be good enough to get closer. But she rarely used them and time was just running. I just kept 'sighting' her in canteen, stores,etc. U might wonder why didnt I go and talk to her face to face. Yea, dats the next scene!!!
But for my friends' insistence I would not ve talked to her that day. It was a superb setting though. Me and my friends had gone to the top floor of the canteen for 'vetty' chat. Here she came...She settled down and started with her record work. After my friends' repeated insistence I went to talk to her. I went and sat in front of her. She gave me the 'worstttt' possible look a guy could ever get. She did not even recognize me. I was totally lost for words after that(yea that's me...for most people this should ve been a cake walk!!!). Managed to string a conversation for a while and I soon left. Guess she should ve guessed that I was in love at that moment.
Things went on as usual again. Regular sighting in college,occasional chats on fb,getting one letter replies for one page long text messages('k' has to be the most brutal text message!!!). I could obviously sense she was not comfortable talking to me. But I was still seeing her. By this time it was already the last semester. It had to be then or never.
I finally proposed her. I was pretty much sure what the reply would be. I was just hoping against hope. And yeah, as expected it was a 'NO'. I knew it was because she never knew me well enough to accept my love. I was the only person to blame for my failure.Till then I was this "thrisha illena dhivya" kind of guy. But it did strike me hard when I got the 'NO' though it was just what I was expecting.
But I still felt she was the unlucky one not that I am 'geth' or something...It was because I felt nobody could be as crazy as I was about her!!! Despite the bitter ending I gotta say it feels gr8 when we actually love someone though it would ve been awesome if the same person actually loved you. But it is certainly better than to have never fallen in love!!!!
