One of the most exciting things about going to college is the new relationships you’re going to make. Here are 10 Do’s and Don’ts to help you avoid stress and drama in college relationships.
1. Don’t rush relationships. Do get to know people.
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College friends are going to be different from high school friends. You’re going to meet a lot of new people, some of which are busy experimenting with the type of person they want to be. You may even be living with some of these people. You may feel like you know someone really well after just a few weeks, but remember, you may not. Don’t trust your deepest secrets to someone you’ve only known a little while and don’t unload your life’s story. Whether it’s dating or friendship, you shouldn’t be too eager with either. Yes, be friendly with everyone- but don’t give away your heart until you know who you’re giving it to.
2. Don’t gossip. Do stop hearsay (he said she said).
Yes, I know. Gossiping is sometimes fun. But it’s not always true. You don’t want to be the person that inadvertently spread lies about someone else. Buying into all the ‘he said she said’ stuff doesn’t make for a good situation. If you absolutely cannot resist gossiping (because I know there are some people who can’t :P) make sure it’s with the one person you know well and trust (refer to point #1) or maybe even call up your mom or best friend from high school. If she’s not there, she can’t spread rumors, she’s probably dying to hear from you, and you get the gossip out of your system!
3. Don’t be under the influence. Do keep your head.
It doesn’t matter what you’re under the influence of, if there’s drugs or alcohol in your system, you are more likely to do or say something you normally wouldn’t. Being under the influence is one of the quickest ways to cause drama. The solution? Don’t put yourself in a situation where you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol and keep your head clear. If you’re going to drink, make sure you have someone sober with you that you trust to take care of you and keep you from doing or saying something you might regret later.
4. Don’t lie. Do keep your promises.
Simple and pretty self explanatory. If you promise to do (or not do) something, then keep your promise. If you are afraid you won’t be able to, don’t promise in the first place.
5. Don’t abuse the virtual. Do remember anyone can see it.
What is the virtual? Well, basically, it’s any updated status, text message, e-mail, social network message, or voice mail you send. You may write something you don’t want someone else to read. FYI, be cautious. Just because you’re “not friends” with them online or you didn’t text it to them, doesn’t mean that someone you are “friends” with or did send the message to won’t show it to them. Also remember that you’re pretty much creating a record of what you’re doing, feeling, and saying that almost anyone can see. Be careful with the virtual world!
6. Don’t take offense. Do take a joke.
Sometimes, you may have to be the one to just let it go. Take it as a joke and laugh or walk away. If you feel uncomfortable with certain jokes or topics, take them in strides and don’t be afraid to vocalize your opinion or feelings. But choose your words carefully, be friendly, and take the high road.
7. Don’t get involved. Do stay out of it.
If a situation does not directly involve you, stay out of it by all means! Involving yourself will only make matters worse for you and other parties involved. Keep in mind that listening to one person vent could eventually involve you in their situation. Be there for everyone and offer friendly support, but try to avoid saying anything negative. Also remember that neutral third parties or mediators do not exist among friends. If a confrontation needs a mediator, find a completely neutral party.
8. Don’t let it sit. Do communicate.
If you have a problem or a concern, don’t keep it to yourself. When it finally does come out, you’ll only feel even worse or madder about the issue. Talk to the person involved (remember not to involve someone else, refer to point #7) before it gets out of hand. When you do make the first move, avoid hostility. Remember to be open, keep a calm tone, and don’t get angry. Avoid making harsh accusations and using the word ‘you.’ For example, instead of saying “You made me mad,” say “The situation made me mad.” It still gets your point across, but it isn’t as hostile. Fix the issue without causing other problems.
9. Don’t pretend. Do be yourself.
Just be yourself! People will admire you more for it. Plus, the more you pretend, the harder it becomes to drop the pretences. People want to know the real you, no matter how outgoing, shy, quirky, or weird you are!
10. Don’t forget why you’re there. Do remember, school is important.
Even if there are things going on all around you, remember your school work and your studies. You’re most likely paying a lot of money to get an education, don’t let anything get in the way. It’s your future. But try to have a little fun along the way.
