Happy New Year flabfighting fans. It’s bloomin hard to get back to work after such a nice long break. What's more, something tells me my trusty scales are going to frown at my more than casual disregard for healthy living over the festive period.

Actually, Xmas wasn’t that bad, give or take half a sheep and a crate of Merlot. It’s last week in Austria that’s more worrying. It’s been a bit like starring in one long terrifying TV campaign by the British Heart Foundation…

Hot chocolate madam? With cream?

But of course my good man! (Nice lederhosen by the way. My that's a large...wallet)

Schnitzel? With potatoes or chips?

What sort of silly question is that?

Krapfen? (that’s jam donuts to you and me)

Ja, ja – give me two. I need to keep my energy up.

Beer. Large or small?

Do I look like I do anything small?

On the up side, skiing is supposed to be good exercise so, in the spirit of positive thinking, before I visit the scales this week, I’ve decided to give myself a big pat on the back and recognise a few of my newly acquired and expertly honed holiday skills:

• doing the YMCA in my ski boots
• singing heartily about polar bears in German (with actions)
• skiing down the mountain in the dark sozzled whilst still singing (or was that slurring?) about polar bears in German – oh yes, and still doing the actions!
• not falling down.

Yes sirree, I may be tubby but my CV has never looked so impressive.