I don’t intend to make this post super long, but I’ve been wanting to write about this for quite some time for various reasons- I will try my best to keep it short, but if not, whatever. Sooooo those of you who have been reading my blog or following me know that I spent a few years in Korea recently. I was there 2011-2015, and BTS debuted in 2013. When I was in Korea, I had a shoe business. I basically distributed a brand name shoes to stores in Korea, and helped them sell more by doing marketing for them. And in Korea, we all know how HUGE celebrity marketing is. So in 2012, an entertainment company named Big Hit contacted us somehow (I don’t quite remember how; it could’ve been through JYP as we were working with them), asked if they can have these crazy heel-less high heels with crazy spikes on them for one of their artists. It turns out it’s JoKwon from 2AM who was making a solo debut, and that’s when I found out that Producer Bang (Si Hyuk) had left JYP to start his own company. And JoKwon ended up wearing the shoes for his “Animal” performances as well as taking the shoes with him everywhere he went including all these popular TV shows and stuff. I felt like a proud mom (for the shoes). I’m pretty sure he kept the shoes- I don’t remember if they paid us, but that’s okay, because– listen- or read— I found out like last year that J-Hope was actually featured in the song as a rapper, and he appears in the dance practice video as well as the actual performance stage with JoKwon wearing the shoes. Only if the world knew who he was back then, right? Anyhow, there’s my little story in my attempt to have some kind of connection with BTS. haha. But yeah, back to discovering BTS- so I do remember watching their debut stage when I was in Korea- Jimin (who is my absolute favorite) stood out even back then with his crazy acrobatic moves, but I remember thinking, ‘They are great but they look so young.’ Like, too young for me to stan, you know? It didn’t feel right to fangirl over them because they looked so young, and they were young!!! Jungkook was 15? And me being in fashion back then, (I’m sorry) but judged them on their outfits a lot.. especially the whole fake “HBA” look… I was working with a K-pop girl group around this time by providing their stylist with our shoes and they had a similar concept going on, with the whole NBA basketball jersey and thick eyeliner and stuff, which just bothered me so much. I, in general, just don’t like the whole “I’m bad, and you need to know that I’m bad,” look- I’m more about the effortlessly, naturally badass look. I just don’t like it when people try hard to look aggressive when they are not that kind of person. BUt I get it, it was an album concept, and Mr. Bang probably felt the pressure to make them look that way since it was their debut and RM really had to stand out since the group was formed around him hence deciding to go with the hip hop concept. Anyhow, so that was my first impression with them, and I forgot about them, for a very long time, because the entire nation of South Korea was so obsessed with, or should I say “were supposed to be” obsessed with this other group, and it was like a sin to like any other group. I actually got to see them in a rehearsal, at a fashion show, and at an event during this time, and almost got murdered when I got their names wrong on one of my mindless Instagram posts. One time when I watching the rehearsal I got attacked by the fans trying to steal my seat, and I banged my head on one of their $20,000 camera lenses. They yelled at me when I was inside a store with them because they couldn’t get in but I did. Boy, was it fun. I saw G-Dragon perform live just a foot away from me, and saw Taemin, Minho (who, by the way, is dreamy in person), and Key multiple times, etc. I saw so many Korean celebrities while living in Korea yet never really had enough interest in any of them to actually go see them at a concert or events despite having such easy access. But man, fast forward two years, and I come across this group called BTS again. Excuse me, but what has Big Hit been feeding you guys? I’m telling you, they weren’t the same 17 year old kids anymore. And then I started seeing them more and more on American media, Youtube, and just literally everywhere, eventually. And now, they are performing on Saturday Night live?!? I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember the last time I watched this show, not to mention TV in general, but the last time I watched it regularly, Asians were not allowed to be on it. Did you hear me? I know we’ve made some major progress lately but when I used to enjoy TV back in the days, it was all about white people enjoying America their way. Yes, I said it, and I’m going to say it again. So as a little FOB kid from a country nobody had even heard of, my goal in life was to become THAT WHITE GIRL on that show. Do you hear me? This is how media shapes your life. This is how important diverse racial representation is in media. I grew up thinking that Asians were inferior especially in terms of our artistic talent and appearance, and that’s why we couldn’t be on TV. When I was trying to find a modeling agency in my early twenties in New York, Asian models were literally nonexistent at the time. And with my nonexistent self-esteem as a rather short Korean girl (being 5′ 7″ doesn’t help when you are trying to make it in the US), I have to tell you, there were times when I had wished I was white.

With all this history behind me, can you imagine how I feel about BTS being called the biggest boy band in the world right now?!? I mean, do you understand how big this is for someone like me who lived through the whole fob season, hiding my love for k-pop for a decade, acting like I was someone else, hating my own culture?!??? Hey, this isn’t just about them being talented and driven and good looking, whatever, okay. There’s something super special about these seven men, and there is a reason why people like me (who is much older and also somewhat experienced with the industry) is supporting them. I’m still in the process of figuring this out, but I’m pretty sure the way they present themselves on and off camera (well only because they vlog so much- I’m honestly not sure how they are in real, real life but I assume they are somewhat similar in real life?) has a lot to do with what makes them different. I appreciate RM so much for trying so hard to be the leader of the group especially when he has to take the lead in interviews and translate at the same time when they are traveling. As someone who does interpretation at times at work, I know how difficult it is even for fluent speakers. For someone who has never lived outside of Korea or went to an international school, he is so ridiculously good in English, and I can tell that he’s trying to get even better. I also appreciate that he doesn’t discourage other members, but encourages them to talk even though they are still learning the language and can sometimes be really slow at doing so. Now, this is not typical for Koreans. Koreans are known to make fun of people trying to speak English, and encouragement rarely happens in households. I also was made fun of when I was learning English, but with the way BTS is toward each other, I just cannot understand how they are able to be so encouraging, caring, and loving toward each other especially when they are young Korean men. It’s just a strange thing to see, but in a very, very good, refreshing way. Seeing them talk on American TV shows and interviews is always incredibly entertaining and heart-warming for this reason. Just the fact that they naturally do what they can and want despite the language barrier shows how comfortable they are with themselves, and this level of confidence is what I’ve been seeking all my life. I was always so self conscious about not having English as my primary language, and had a hard time accepting that as a part of who I am. This affected me in so many ways throughout my life especially in terms of what I could do and not do, as well as always turning to myself for that exact reason to blame when certain things didn’t work out, thinking, ‘It’s because I wasn’t born here,’ ‘It’s because I’m not white…’ I understand that it could also be that the world has changed quite a bit the past couple years with social media speeding up the information sharing process around the world. Perhaps this had an effect on the way people define beauty, but with BTS, there’s more to their success than what’s shown outside. Now, stop judging me, I’ve had enough of that growing up, and won’t let that stop me from being who I am anymore, thanks to 방탄소년단!

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