Parents tread a thin line between success and Failure at raising their children, and rare is the time when your own kid inks that line as clearly as our daughter Li’l Diva did.

This tale, like so many we were supposed to learn in school but cheated only ourselves by simply poring over the Cliff Notes, begins in medias res with a shocking discovery. Enter my Wife -- concerned look, furrowed brow, a question tinged with accused failure on her lips.

"Have you ever had the drug talk with your daughter?" Note the girl is mine. Possession is nine-tenths the other parent's in troubled times.