Here’s a little secret. Sometimes I shy away from helping in some way because of too much criticism. Wait, that’s not entirely accurate. I don’t mind criticism when it’s warranted, but when it’s a problem when someone arbitrarily decides that help isn’t the *right kind of help.
We’ve all been there, I’m sure.
It’s similar to the situation when a person asks another to do something, but then criticizes it. Loading the dishwasher wrong. Not folding the towels the right way. Personally, I’m just happy it’s getting DONE.
There was a backlash when restaurants and cities/towns stopped using Plastic straws. “Not using straws won’t stop the plastic trash, so why bother?” “That’s not fair to the people who NEED plastic straws!” Look, most people don’t have sensory issues that prevent them from using a reusable straw. And yes, it’s a little thing. It’s not affecting all the other billions of plastic things that end up being trashed. But this isn’t an all or nothing thing. Little things add up to bigger things. It’s one piece of a much bigger picture. Not being able to solve the ENTIRE problem doesn’t mean we just ignore something we can do.
It seems that “do it the right way” applies to the holidays, too. I’ve seen some people say that you shouldn’t discuss presents you give or receive because it might upset someone who doesn’t have those things. Personally, I don’t know anyone who goes around bragging about gifts, and I don’t care to. But I’m not going to begrudge someone sharing their happiness about getting a great Gift. My kids were never ones to rattle off their Christmas gifts to their friends. Side note… if they were, please tell me! We’ve had some years of smaller gifts, some years of bigger gifts, and everything in between. I’m not going to lie and say I’m never jealous, but I’ll be happy for you if you get something wonderful.
On the other hand, when it comes to others’ generosity, it’s also not okay to guilt them into doing something beyond their plans or expectations. So when they’re donating to that Angel tree, don’t make them feel bad for not buying a PS5. Yes, that really happens! Before someone chimes in, I’m NOT suggesting going the cheap route for donations, either. If you *want to give a PS5 to a kid, go for it. If you want to give said kid a gift card to a store, that’s okay, too. I prefer to trust that people give what they can. Sometimes that’s a lot, sometimes that’s a little.
Let people do what they can do. There’s not always a right or wrong way to help, and telling someone they’re doing it all wrong causes its own sort of damage. If you choose to give a donation instead of actively participating in an event, thank you. If you choose to attend a rally, thank you. If you choose to help a cause you believe in, thank you. Gifts that are given freely, without strings, should always be appreciated.
