“Show me your friends and I’ll tell you , who you are “
Otivia’s Working definition for friend
Friend | frend |
Noun
A person who actively participates in a reciprocal relationship that occurs positively, naturally and with no conditions.
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As a teenager I DESPISED that quote because I felt as though it put me in a box based on other people’s decisions and actions.
I’ve always thought of myself as a person with my own mind, that can flow to the beat of her own drum. Peer pressure was never an issue for me and more times then not I did the opposite of what others did.
I’m an observer. I like to hear stories about experiences, weigh the pros and cons of situations before I tackle anything. I was the friend in high school asking all the questions about everyone’s sexcapades and fresh stories. Not only did I ask questions, I wanted full details.
So you said what ? Put your leg where? How did you feel after? What happened the next day? The curious virgin is what they should’ve called me back then. In my mind just because my friends where partaking in certain festivities didn’t mean I needed to, had to, or wanted to.
During family holidays when everyone was ready to pop open that third bottle of patron, I was the family member in the middle of the conversations, chillen drinking a Capri sun or drinking a cold glass of ginger ale on the rocks. As much as they pressured me to partake I’d always decline. You go left, I go right.
So you can see where my annoyance with that phrase stemmed from. However, though I can see the validity in my stance as a teenager or even during my Young & Tenda days , as an almost 30 year old, that quote makes SO MUCH SENSE to me.
When I sit back now and look at the individuals I call “friends” I see a little bit of myself in each of them .
I have friends from as far back as junior high school, to high school, under grad, graduate school and various jobs I’ve held. All sharing certain characteristics but are completely their own individuals, that teach me so much about myself and life as a whole .
My friends are goal oriented, passionate, ambitious, creative, focused, able to pop off if need be and they all think I’m funny as hell !
When my friends succeed I feel as excited for them as I would myself. I take their wins as my win because I was there for their journey. I was there for that conversation of the dream they wanted to pursue, so to see it happen just makes my heart smile .
Seeing them perform a song and clearly knowing the background to the lyrics, watching them get the promotion for the job that they were nervous to interview for, witnessing them drop their album after nights of hearing them go back and forth to the studio, being apart of their launch party for the business that I saw them build from the ground up. All of that means something to me. And the fact that I can call these people my friend and know that I am a reflection of them and vice versa is incredible .
My dad would always tell me
If you are the smartest in the room, then you are in the wrong room.
My friends challenge my thinking, they push me to be better, they call me on my foolery and most importantly they add to my life rather than subtract.
I went from having house parties a few years back, where all the rooms in my house would be filled with people. Now I have a strong 4 and a possible ( spades reference ) that I call my friends and I’m so content with that .
Those 4 and a possible participate in a reciprocal relationship with me that occurs positively, naturally and with no conditions. We lift each other up and accept each other with no judgment. At this point I can’t let these people go because they know WAY TOO MUCH.
I used the word friend so loosely in the past, however I don’t beat myself up over it because I never had a consistent definition of what a friend was. I chose blindly and let people in my life that had no substance, didn’t understand reciprocity and was fraudulent. Now that I’ve deconstructed that social construct I am happy and proud to say that I was able to successfully weed out the weirdos and come out on the other side with some amazing individuals.
Issa Gem ; Importance of Support Systems
In therapy the conversation about my husband joining the military constantly comes up. Being that his departure is creeping up on us we’ve been talking a lot about Support Systems and its importance.
For me it’s difficult to have this conversation because it always comes back to me not being comfortable asking for help. The fact that it won’t just be me causes me to rethink this pride issue and realize that I’ll need help to keep myself sane.
Having a support system and engaging with trustworthy people are key elements to successfully talking about and maintaining your own mental health
Understanding this and allowing myself to utilize my support systems will be all the difference with how I interact with my babies. It will be all the difference how I come out on the other side of the changes that are going to occur soon.
You’ve been an amazing crowd. Get home safely,
Otivia the observer
This post first appeared on How Being A Twinless Twin Made Me Become A CEO, please read the originial post: here
