I’ve been gone for a minute!!!

I’ve received so many inquiries about my lack of blogging this past month.  Truth is, even when I don’t post, I am always still Writing. Writing is how I express myself and how I decipher the feelings that reside in this complicated  brain of mine.

Lately, I’ve adapted a “less is more” Motto. Feels as though, I was giving too much of myself and I didn’t realize how draining it was until I stopped doing it.

It has come to the point where I have to protect what little peace I have left. Not even to sound ’emo’ but I believe, in the past 3 years I have grown up tremendously. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still HELLLA CHILDISH however, I have learned some real life lessons, that have all left their significant marks on me. Only a select few will understand what I mean. If you are confused then this is…

Do you want to be RIGHT or HAPPY? – My dad

YOOOOOO!!!! you don’t understand how 16-year-old Otivia, HATED that quote. LORDDDDD!!!!!!! My dad use to always say this when I was younger and it is not until now that I realize how important those words were.

I use to be the girl who NEEDED to explain herself and wanted everyone to see that she was RIGHT. I wanted to be seen in this light of perfection. As though I believed, if I made one mistake it would all be over. Or maybe I believed, I couldn’t AFFORD to make mistakes because I was already on borrowed time. I see it like this… there was a 50/50 chance that I wasn’t the twin to make it. Toss of a coin, best of three “rock paper scissors” type probability. That is a daunting yet real thought that comes across my mind too often.

Lately, I’ve been choosing to be HAPPY. Now for all my day 1 blog readers, we all know that words are…………………………………………

(lets say it together) ………………………. Socially Constructed

Knowing that people put their own meanings behind words, let me give my working definition of happy.

hap•py

/hapi/

adjective

1. Needing NO validation from anyone
2. Smiling deep inside your soul
3. Feeling genuine contentment for yourself in the present moment

If you are a detriment to me and mess with any of those things that will in turn, cause me to NOT be HAPPY then you have to go.

The beautiful part about this, in finding my happiness I am also being reminded that I have some dope people in my life. Like people I’d share my last piece of bacon with & if you know me, then you know that is HUGE. NO Cap!!!. ……( truth moment: I wanted to use that phrase so badly, I hope I used it properly lmao).

But hey, what do I know.  This “less is more” motto works for me in my present moment. Who knows what will work later on down the line. One thing for certain though, I will never go back to not being HAPPY. Under no circumstnances will I ever choose to be anything but HAPPY. I truly believe in MOST circumstances, being HAPPY is a choice        (there are definitely some exceptions to this, so don’t get all technical). For the most part, it is a choice especially for me and I don’t get why it has taken me so long to understand.

But I mean….. at least I’m HAPPY…….Right? ( see what I just did there)

Anyways!!!  It feels so good to be posting again and as always, you’ve been an amazing crowd. Get home safely,

~Otivia