There aren’t many absolutes in the world EXCEPT…

1. If you live in Brooklyn, there is ABSOLUTELY always one Chinese food store in your hood that does not do deliveries but their chicken wings are bomb so you make that humble walk

And

2. Even when you believe you are at your lowest and there is no one that understands your hurt & pain, there is ABSOLUTELY someone, somewhere in the world that ( may not be going through your exact situation) but can relate. People go through things ALL of the time, the only difference  between you and them, is that you have a front row seat to your own pain and you aren’t able to see past the info people CHOOSE to give you about theirs.

I believe social media is making it difficult for people to understand this because it makes it look as though everyone is A1 all the time. Social media platforms are places for

people to showcase their best selves. We all fall victim to it so please don’t even front and say you don’t.

The girl that takes 75 pictures and adds a dozen filters before posting the best one OR  that guy with the big face watches and dope cars who has to eat ramen for the next two weeks because groceries wasn’t in his budget OR the couple that are always on vacation who leaves the airport and takes a cab back to their parents house where they reside rent free. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely no shade because I have been in the same spots at some point or another in my life yet I still sometimes get caught up with those smoke and mirrors. And listen, I also know there are SOME people, a very select (non-celebrity regular degular shmegular) few that’s out here getting it in real life BUT 9 times out of 10 it’s all for stunting purposes so don’t fall for the hype.

I fall victim and quickly come to my senses and think back to a time that I was checked for being envious and not realizing the damage I was doing to myself.

When I was younger I remember always comparing myself to my friends and the things that they had.

I’m a product of two West Indian Parents both originating from Guyana. You may not understand the significance of that sentence if you aren’t a product of West Indian parents. They dragggggg everything !!!!

“I don’t work hard so Mr. Jordan can take my money every Saturday morning”. ” I am only buying a “going out” shoe and a school shoe and you better keep them clean”.

MR. Jordan

I swear my West Indian parents use to only be tight with the money when it came to their children because CHILE!!!! my mom and pop would be dressed to the 9’s. My mom was on her floor-length fur coat game wayyyyy before Joanne the Scammer was kicking people out of her caucasian home and Safaree came “swinging” in . 

*Side note: I was this close to using the “other” Safaree meme. *Side side note: Your’e  fresh if you just giggled. *Side side side note: If you want to see the “other” Safaree meme that was “leaked recently” click this link. I added it for the culture . You are welcome. (interested to know your thoughts on said meme feel free to comment below.

welcome back freshie...Catch your bearings so that we can continue.

When I was younger I would always see my friends with new Jordan’s or other materialistic things that really mattered to me as a child. Until one day my mom sat me down and without shading me or being extra, told me to really sit back and observe.

She told me to think about the bigger picture.

“You see your friends wearing these expensive things but did you ever stop to think about what their home life is like? Did they have to work for the things they received? What did their parents have to do to provide those things? Are they receiving love and affection at the same rate they are receiving material things? Are these material things being used as a substitute for something or someone who isn’t present in their life?”

Then I remember being asked.

“Do you want these things because you think it’ll make you happier or is it because you see other people with it and you want to be like them ?”

As I sat there realizing those were all rhetorical questions,

I heard,

“Trust me even at  30 years old (clearly she was off a year or 15 ) I still see people with all the materialistic things and you wouldst believe how sad they really are. You have no clue how people get things and what they have to do to keep a smile on their faces in front of company, so never envy anyone.”

Now at the time I was a lil itty bitty baby but trust me I came to understand every word. I knew my mom wasn’t being shady because if you havent already read she doesn’t mix words. She wasn’t trying to down anyone but more so give me another perspective. She was trying to show me how to think critically about everything and not just go off of what I see.  To realize that you may see someone smiling and living what seems to be their best life but in reality you may never get to see the pain behind those posts and beautifully quoted captions.

To be honest I have days where I feel down. It’s one of those things where everyone around you is proud of your accomplishments and tell you that you are inspiring them YET you feel like you are nowhere close to where you want to be and that you still aren’t doing enough. I get into this weird mood where for a good minute, I’m on a planet all alone. I know I know…what about Mike your loving patient husband. He always finds his ass on my planet pretending to walk aimlessly as if he was lost, however I am proud to say, as of late, I haven’t been on my own  planet long enough for him to have to find me. I realized that my thoughts, that to me, are so valid at that moment, are sometimes very irrational and other times may be valid but my response and behavior makes things worse.  I had to get out of thinking that bad things only happen  to me. I had to get out of the thinking that no-one will understand me. I opened myself up to understanding that people question themselves, go through struggles and fight demons DAILY and just because we don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

None of this rings truer than when you get off your 2 day social media black out and you start responding to text messages because your depression is over. Just as you start back talking to your friends as if you were cool living and mastering  life, they hit you with a story about why they were depressed the day before. You can literally see the pain in their eyes as they recount their story while trying to give small jokes in between. This whole time you were on your own planet there was someone, who you knew personally, that was going through their OWN struggle ALONE too. No-one knew because everyone is trained to believe they are the only people going through stuff. Everyone is trained to think life is suppose to be pretty and no-one can see the flaws even though we ALL know it is there and envitable. Then we are trained to stay quiet about our sad thoughts because remember guys, you don’t want to be judged by OTHERS with the SAME or SIMILAR thoughts.

I don’t know. I feel like once you realize that you are not the ONLY person going through difficult times and that the same people your’e steadily comparing yourself to ALSO go through difficult times, you can retrain your brain to react differently and more positively to situations.  I want to grow so much that when I turn 40, I giggle at the foolery and mindset I had at 28, not just roll my eyes and think ” Oh well I am me and I am too grown to be anything else”. Instead of a front row seat to your pain switch it up and make it a front row seat to your glow up.  Now that’s a dope show. That’s a show I’d watch. 

You’ve been an amazing crowd! Get home safely,

-Otivia